I Understand The Sun, And I Don’t Go Out In The Sun

“The Specious Moment” – This is taken from the one of the old Audio Kitchen archives which is no longer available online. This is a homemade recording of a very mentally ill guy pretending to do his own radio station, which he sent to a local college radio station as a way of harassing them. The guy isn’t scary-crazy, but just far-out weird crazy. The drill bits ad is priceless, by the way. “Aww, fiddlesticks!”

“Taco Bell Romance” – Here’s another gem from the Audio Kitchen. This is an audio letter created by a lovesick young woman working for a Taco Bell somewhere in the south. She’s in love with some creep named Travis who is married but messing around with her while his wife is pregnant with a child he swears is not his own. It’s a slice of life, I suppose.

Hold On, I’m Hacking Into Your Computer

Today we have some selections from Matt Besser of the Upright Citizens Brigade‘s cd May I Help You (Dumbass). The story of the record goes like this: In 2000, Besser found his home phone number inundated with calls from people seeking technical support for free internet software given out for free at Costco and Barnes & Noble stores in Manhattan. The customer service hotline on the free cd-rom did not include a 1 before the area code (which was the area code for Houston), and so every call made that did not include the 1 dialed before the number went to his 212 number by default. Besser recieved these calls day and night for months on end, and he began to record himself playing pranks on these callers. In all of the calls, he pretends to actually be a tech support hotline, and with different characters and strategies, he fucks with the caller until they finally give up on him. One of the most amazing things about this record is how desperately the callers seem to want to believe that Besser’s characters are legitimate, no matter how ridiculous and over-the-top they may get. They just refuse to believe that they are being suckered, even when he’s doing the worst Jimmy Stewart and Bjork impressions imaginable.

Matt Besser “Lesbian Download”

Matt Besser “Car Wreck”

Matt Besser “Last Day On The Job”

Matt Besser “Jimmy Stewart”

Talk About Elvis’s Cock

Vanilla Bean – “Elvis Phone Sex” – This is another selection from the new Radio Archival Oddities compilation, which includes a full cd of airchecks from WFMU. This is a recording of the late Frank Balesteri, aka Vanilla Bean, dating back to the early 80s. I’m amazed that this ever got on the air, it breaks a host of FCC decency rules, and I can’t imagine that anyone on the station could get away with anything remotely like this now. In this clip, Balesteri calls up a phone sex hotline and messes around with the operator, who has one of the thickest Southern accents that I’ve ever heard. His frantic demands for this poor girl to talk about Elvis Presley are hilarious and become more absurd as the call progresses.

“Where’s Elvis now?”

“C’mon! That’s IMPORTANT to me!”

(This is obviously not work safe.)

Also: Hot on the heels of that Magneto Was Right t-shirt, Anti-Popper is offering a brand new Marxist/Britneyist design.

Cold As Ice Cream But Still As Sweet

Family Fodder “Sunday Girl” – This is great; it’s this catchy little new wave pop number, but it sounds as though the band tried every wacky studio idea that they could come up with, and ended up deciding to keep every one of them in the arrangement at once. The song was kind of surprising for me on first listen, and it becomes more endearing every subsequent time that I hear it, especially when the song completely falls apart at the end.

Gotta Have Some Of Your Attention

Billy Murray (as Bob Harris) “More Than This”

I would like to have the entire karaoke sequence from Lost In Translation tattooed on my soul. Especially the part with Scarlett Johansson in a pink wig singing “Brass In Pocket” with Bill Murray doing the “special” back up vocals, looking as though he’s going to start giggling at any moment, and only vaguely masking the fact that he totally means it.

You need to go see this movie. It’s beautiful, it’s funny, it’s got a lot of heart. It’s really well observed. If I say any more about it, I’ll just start gushing, and I need to keep up my ‘air of cool.’ Just go see it when it opens in your town, okay?

Also, you know that you want one of Anti-popper’s Magneto Was Right t-shirts. Go buy one.

We Were Partying When We Heard The News, And We’re All Pretty Depressed Right Now

Big Boi “The Rooster”– This is from the new Outkast album. I only just got the record, so I don’t have fully formed opinions about it just yet, but wow wow wow that Big Boi disc is great, he didn’t let me down at all. The Andre 3000 cd – hmmm. My first impression isn’t so good. I’ll be listening to this quite a lot for the next few weeks, so let’s see what happens.

The next two mp3s are taken from the new Radio Archival Oddities compilation put together by WFMU’s The Professor. They speak for themselves.

NYC radio – Turning The Radio Dial The Night John Lennon Died

Los Angeles radio – Turning The Radio Dial The Night John Lennon Died

Can someone explain to me why that one caller would want Lennon’s murderer’s name never to be made public? That doesn’t make much sense to me.

You Make The Wrong Things Right

Rachel Sweet “B-A-B-Y” – If someone ever asks you what a joycore love song is like, you need to play this song for them. It’s so giddy, it’s quite possibly even more crazy in love than Beyonce. This was Sweet’s biggest hit back in the late 70s on the Stiff label, when she was only 14 years old. It’s pretty amazing how confident and mature she sounds on this record for her age.

My friend Emily is awesome. Here she is hanging out with Carl Newman.

Something To Remember, Something To Forget

Quarks “I Walk” – I can’t tell you too much about Quarks. This is mostly because virtually everything written about them online is in German, and when I translate the pages, it always comes out to awkward prose that doesn’t make much sense.

For example:

The result sounds professional to in any case. German and English-language Songs with cleanly arranged sound of electronics. When first hearing one feels immediately automatically reminded of 2raumwohnung . But the quarks have already their own style from in-usual sounds without many Schnoerkel, clear woman voices and sensitively direct texts.

The quarks will surely have a meaning for the German electronics music also in the future. But to it more experiments and innovations will have to belong. It does not hand evenly to have and produce these in often cloned variants completely few samples.

Right. I get the gist of it, I guess, but it’s not very helpful. As you may have gleaned from this excerpt, they are just a very good German electro-pop group. The record is very solid, I had some difficulty choosing which song to post here – I nearly went for the ballad “How Can You Say You Love Me?,” but “I Walk” is the single and probably the most immediately likeable song from the LP. (Thank to K for the tip!)

Mandy Moore “One Way Or Another” – This is from her upcoming Coverage album. You’d think it would just be lame karaoke, but it’s actually really exciting and super pop, and rocks harder than most every other faux-new wave rock band currently going. It’s very cute in how it’s going for breathy-sexy but ends up kinda ironic-spunky instead, which is about exactly right. For a person Mandy’s age (or my age, for that matter) this is just another radio song that you might remember from being a kid, and then you grow up a bit and notice that the lyrics are suddenly relevant to you, giving it a new life. This recording sort of captures that rush of enjoying the type of song a little kid would like (and for whom the lyrics may as well be about hide-and-seek), and having that kind of ‘ah-ha!’ moment where you get the song on an adult level. To put things over the top, just as it starts, you hear the drummer say “1, 2, c’mon Mandy!” How can you not love that?

Some May Call It A Loophole, I Call It An “Opportunity Clause”

Here’s another classic from the Best Show On WFMU.

Roderick J. Martinez, Esq. – A lawyer calls in to inform Tom that he is being sued by The Band’s Robbie Robertson, but it turns out that the lawyer is in fact a highly ambitious scam artist with a bizarre and complicated scheme which involves elaborate costumes, “com-drama-edy,” and “high school law students.”

A Foot Without A Sock

Richard Thompson “Tempted” – Eppy wrote about Richard Thompson’s new 1000 Years Of Popular Music album a few weeks ago, and this cover of the Squeeze classic comes from that record.

Thompson explains his project: “The idea for this project came from Playboy Magazine – I was asked by submit a list, in late 1999, of the ten greatest songs of the Millenium. Hah! I thought, hypocrites – they don’t mean millennium, they mean twenty years – I’ll call their bluff and do a real thousand-year selection. My list was similar to the choices here on this CD, starting in about 1068, and winding slowly up to 2001.”

Ish Marquez “When The Sun Goes Down” – This is just beautiful, isn’t it? Ish Marquez is in with the Anti-Folk crowd, and this song comes from the 2002 Balloon Heaven compilation. I don’t know too much else about Marquez, I only found out about this song over the weekend, it was played on Monica Lynch’s show on WFMU.

I Smell Platinum! I Smell Platinum, Triple Platinum, Quadruple Platinum!

The Jicks “In The Club / Jenny & The Ess Dog (piano ballad version) – This is taken from a Jicks show from this past summer in Toronto. They’re just fucking around, but it’s really amusing. Unfortunately, it isn’t a full version of 50 Cent’s “In The Club,” but it’s close enough for me. The piano ballad version of “Jenny” was played fairly often on the last headlining Jicks tour, and this is the best recording I’ve acquired so far, though it’s very messy. Added bonus: for quite possibly the first time ever, we get some extra commentary from Trey the dog. “My mind is small, I’m a dog, my mind is small.” And then Malkmus starts woofing.

Just One Near-Perfect Thing

Belle & Sebastian “If She Wants Me” – I suppose that the one thing that Belle & Sebastian does really, really well is sounding cozy. They are the musical manifestation of sweater-weather, and so it isn’t surprising that the majority of their fans are students – on some level, I think most everyone associates them with school, or at least the time of year when one would be in school. Of course, all of the references to teenage sexuality, books, and athletics throughout their catalog surely helps to drive home the “B&S = school” thing. Anyway, I know that it is easy to dislike the band for their preciousness, but I still find it hard to imagine why some people would hate them so much since I associate them with coziness. In my mind, it seems like having a strong negative reaction to Belle & Sebastian is like hating comfortable clothing and preferring swelteringly hot weather to crisp, temperate autumn/fall days – I just can’t relate. Who doesn’t want to be cozy?

The problem with the new Belle & Sebastian album Dear Catastrophe Waitress is that it doesn’t feel cozy often enough. This is not the fault of the Trevor Horn’s production (it’s fine – the songs sound clean but not too ‘produced’, he gets it exactly right for the most part), and it’s not because of the lackluster songwriting talents of the non-Stuart Murdoch members of the group (Isobel Campbell left the band, so we don’t have to deal with her amateurish songs and thin singing voice anymore, and the other girl only sings half of one song). Most of the songs are pretty good, actually, and even the weakest songs have likeable qualities. This record isn’t much like the previous proper B&S album, on which one third of it was among the best work they’d ever recorded, another third was boring, and the remaining songs were so awful that they were nearly unlistenable.* Consistency surely counts for something, right?

Either way, this album just doesn’t feel right to me. It’s missing something, and for want of a better term, I’ll call it the Cozy Effect. All of the early Belle & Sebastian records have Cozy Effect, especially the best songs. The Cozy Effect makes me want to put on a sweater, rake some leaves, read books in the park on an overcast day, and want to have a crush on some stranger just for the fun of it. One of my best musical memories is essentially the Cozy Effect at full blast – I’m riding home on a Metro North train after a day of school, staring out at the rain while listening to “The Rollercoaster Ride” and pining for a girl that I had no chance with. I have no idea why I remember that so vividly – it’s so insignificant, but I suppose that it was just so right that it’ll always remember it, at least when I think of that song or of the band in general. I suspect that maybe it’s just me, and that perhaps all of these new songs are fully capable of having the Cozy Effect on other people, especially people who are still teenagers. I hope they do, anyway. I don’t mind being more or less over them and deriving most of my joy from their music from nostalgia. It’d be sadder if they just lost their spark.

However, “If She Wants Me” is the major exception on Dear Catastrophe Waitress. I love this song. It’s definitely got the Cozy Effect, no question about it. Like most of the best B&S tunes, it’s a fey approximation of Motown/Northern Soul. Stuart Murdoch’s voice sounds beautiful on this, the melody flatters the character of his voice rather well, especially when he reaches for those high notes. Basically, if this isn’t the single for the album, the label is out of their minds.

* If you were curious, I’d sort it out like this. The best: “Women’s Realm,” “Don’t Leave The Light On, Baby,” “The Chalet Lines,” and “The Wrong Girl.” The unlistenable: “Beyond The Sunrise,” “Waiting For The Moon To Rise,” and “Family Tree.” The rest is all boring or middling. I should say that I like “Women’s Realm” significantly more than the other three good songs I mentioned.

Say Goodbye To That Blood, Nas!

Andrew Broder “The Takeover” – This is taken from the Modern Hits EP, which is a collection of recent hip hop singles with new backing tracks written and performed by Andrew Broder, aka Fog. Broder’s arrangements tend to change the character of the songs in significant ways. For example, his track for Nas’s “One Mic” is lighter and far more mellow than the intense original version, making it sound more like a gentle prayer than a frantic plea. The track succeeds or fails based mostly on how you want to understand the song. For me, the song loses all of its tension and drama, which I suspect was at least half of the point of the song.

This version of Jay-Z’s “The Takeover” is more successful, mostly because it plays up the menace of the original and adds a creepy piano part which sounds straight out of a scary b-movie. It doesn’t sound better than the original, but it does make Jay sound a little crazier. I’m reminded of that one bit from the Best Show On WFMU’s “Bruce Willis” skit where Bruce tells Tom Scharpling that he’s going to “haunt” him, and that he’s “going to be on (him) forever, never letting (him) rest, ever. ” This version of the “The Takeover” sounds just like that! “Watch your back son, because you’re gonna get cut down!” Jay-Z’s IN THE CAR!!!

You Knew That They Would Get Theirs In The End

Basement Jaxx “Plug It In” – Here it is, the song (from the album) that everybody’s talking about. I really love it, but I’m not quite as ecstatic as some people are. I’d write a bit more about, but Eppy beat me to it, so just read what he wrote. He’s a smart guy. (By the way, as of this writing, I’m starting to think that I prefer “Right Here’s The Spot,” so I recommend seeking that out on your favorite p2p if you want some more.)

Andrew WK “Free Jumps” – I haven’t taken to much of the new AWK album just yet, but I loved this one right away. It’s got that trademark “plink-plink-plink-plink” piano part with the big shout-along chorus and 90210-ish lead guitar, so it’s basically everything I want from an Andrew WK song, just with a slightly different melody. For fun, just think of a Parklife-era Blur covering this song – it’s not very hard to imagine! (Read that as a compliment, please.)

Stazi “How Sleazy Do You Want It?” – Good question. How sleazy do you want it? Maybe slightly sleazier. Perhaps they could do a remix of this with Peaches or something. This, like the Dog Ruff song from last week, is from the Northern Electronic compilation.

Happy Labor Day, I Guess

Hey, no songs today, sorry. I’ve got a lot of cool stuff planned for the rest of this week, though. Exciting new stuff, mostly. In the meantime, please let me indulge in a small rant about R.E.M….

R.E.M. Botch Best-Of Tracklist!

First off, here’s the tracklisting for R.E.M.’s new greatest hits compilation In Time:

Man On The Moon / The Great Beyond / Bad Day (new single, re-written Lifes Rich Pageant outtake) / What’s The Frequency, Kenneth? / All The Way To Reno (You’re Gonna Be A Star)/ Losing My Religion / E-Bow The Letter / Orange Crush / Imitation Of Life / Daysleeper / Animal (new song) / The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite / Stand / Electrolite / All The Right Friends / Everybody Hurts / At My Most Beautiful / Nightswimming

I find this tracklisting fascinating, because it gets some things right (the inclusion of “Nightswimming”) while generally messing up something that really should’ve been a no-brainer.

First, isn’t this supposed to be a hits compilation? What exactly is the point of leaving out several big hits, most obviously “Pop Song 89” and “Shiny Happy People”? It seems that the band has omitted those songs mostly due to some kind of embarassment about them, particularly “Shiny Happy People.” Presumably the target audience for a greatest hits compilation are buying the cd because they want the hits. “Shiny Happy People” may be a silly song that the band is ashamed of (though they shouldn’t be – it’s a nice song), but it belongs on the cd simply because most people would expect it to be there. “Pop Song 89” is a much bigger hit than any of the more recent songs on this record, so why does that song get the ax when “E-Bow The Letter,” the song that pretty much destroyed the band’s commercial career, is represented? “E-Bow” is a fine song, but it’s just not a hit, and neither is “All The Way To Reno” from Reveal or the dreadful “All The Right Friends” from the Vanilla Sky soundtrack.

Why is Monster being underrepresented? Monster was a huge hit when it came out and it went multiplatinum. Even though there are a large number of fans who dislike the record and about a million copies of it in used record stores around the world, it doesn’t change the fact that “Crush With Eyeliner,” “Bang And Blame,” and “Strange Currencies” were legitimate hits on radio and MTV, and are exactly the sort of songs that casual fans might want to have on an R.E.M. hits compilation. All of those songs are better known to the general public than anything off of the last three R.E.M. records, which were all failures in terms of mainstream popularity.

That said, I’m happy with the songs selected from the last three LPs. “E-Bow The Letter” may have been a commercial misstep, but it was a good idea to include “Electrolite,” which is definitely one of the most underrated and beautiful songs in the band’s catalog. If “Electrolite” was released as the lead single from New Adventures In Hi-Fi, there’s a chance that the album may actually have been a modest hit. “Daysleeper” and “At My Most Beautiful” were the obvious songs to go with from Up, and they definitely belong on this record. I’m glad that my two favorite songs from Reveal were the ones to make the cut; I’d be very embarassed for them if they had included something as trite and melodramatic as “I’ll Take The Rain” to represent that album.

I’ve heard live versions of “Bad Day” and “Animal” – they’re both kinda average. I’m not sure why so many bands are so eager to muddy up sure-thing greatest hits packages with lackluster recently-recorded material. I understand that labels want new singles to promote the record, but R.E.M. didn’t need to have two “new” songs in addition to two non-album soundtrack songs, crowding out legimate hit singles. Maybe instead of these two songs, the band could have re-recorded an older gem, such as a studio version of the live arrangement of “Country Feedback,” and made that the special bonus song. That way you get the “new single” and an old classic which should be on the record in one go. Y’know, logic. Of course, re-recording older songs can be a disasterous thing, as it was for U2 when they tried it for their last hits compilation.

I don’t think it’s ridiculous to get annoyed with folks messing up their own greatest hits albums. I sincerely believe that these records are important; especially for young record buyers who want to try out older artists without getting overwhelmed by large back catalogs, and for casual listeners who for perfectly understandable reasons, just want the hits. The entire point of these compilations is to be crass and commercial. They should be about giving the people what they want, it shouldn’t be about the artist trying to revise their own history.

7:58

It would be great if the “secret opening” involved Ol Dirty Bastard. Especially if MTV didn’t know about it in advance.

8:00

Oh. Britney! “Like A Virgin”! YES YES YES

I like the way Britney’s singing this.

8:01

And Christina! Christina looks cuter in bridal gear than Britney. It’s probably the goth hair. The “Boy Toy” belt thing doesn’t hurt. Britney is prettier, but that outfit isn’t flattering her.

The Fab Five are loving this!

8:02

Aw man. Why did they stop so soon? Madonna is here now, and she’s singing “Hollywood.” Whatever.

8:03

Madonna kissed Britney and Christina. I guess that’ll make the papers, even though it’s pretty boring.

Now Missy’s here. That’s good news. Are we supposed to pretend that we all love this “Hollywood” song? I mean, it’s okay, but it’s rather subpar compared to most every other Madonna dance pop single.

8:06

Chris Rock is here. He’s riffing on easy targets, but it’s funny. “50 took more shots to the face than Jenna Jameson!”

8:14

LeBron James and Ashanti are here to advertise Sprite, or something. LeBron (and I don’t really know who he is, he’s a basketball player, I guess) is wearing a hideous Bob Marley/Lion t-shirt. They’ve got to sic Carson Kressley on this guy.

8:17

Missy Elliot wins best Hip Hop video for “Work It.” She is wearing a tux/tracksuit with a sequined hat and tie. (Or are those diamonds?)

8:25

And we’re back. Tony Hawk and some guy from Jackass are on now. They’re here to introduce Good Charlotte. Their song is pretty boring, but it’s not really offensive. They sound exactly like Blink 182, but they look as though a Hot Topic threw up all over them. Every generation of middle school kids gets their own Green Day, I suppose.

8:30

Kelly Clarkson and Ludacris are here.

I hope that “Ignition (Remix)” wins this category, but Beyonce will probably win instead.

8:32

Yup, Beyonce wins.

I’m not crazy about Beyonce’s outfit. It’s too damn puffy. But she’s lovely otherwise.

8:39

Evanescence and Sean Paul are introducing the “best video from a film.” From left: goon, cute goth girl, worst singer currently on the radio. Sean Paul did a couple songs in the pre-show thing. It’s amazing how tuneless this guy is.

8:40

What a shocker! Eminem wins for “Lose Yourself.” He’s with his life partner and 50 Cent. Nothing special here, move right along.

8:42

Ugh. Crank Yankers.

8:48

Nelly and Murphy Lee are out now. They’re basically just talking about asses.

8:49

Xtina! Redman! “Dirrty!” This should be craaaaaazy, god willing.

8:50

Gothtina emerges!

8:51

I definitely approve of her new goth/dom/fetish look (even if she’s a bit too tan to be convincingly goth), but y’know, this just isn’t craaaazy enough.

8:52

Dave Navarro! It’s “Fighter” time! “Black Cat 2003!”

It’s pretty good, but y’know, not dirrty enough. I expect more sleaze than this from Xtina.

8:54

Outkast and Iggy Pop!

Big Boi actually looks wackier than Andre.

I heart Andre 3000.

8:56

The MTV2 awards goes to A.F.I. Whatever. I mean, does anyone really expect Interpol to win things like this?

9:03

David Spade and the Olsen Twins. Boring. Those two girls clearly have the best publicist in the world.

9:04

Oh, it’s obviously time to give Justin Timberlake an award.

9:05

Yup. It most certainly is. Justin wins for “Cry Me A River.”

He looks nice in a suit. I like the grey shirt.

“This is cooler than bubblegum for me.” Okay. That at least sounds right.

9:07

P Diddy is here, with a Remember Barry White shirt.

9:08

Run DMC are here. I suspect that they have some kind of contract that ensures that they appear on this show every year for the rest of their lives. As I said last year, they do not seem to have a career aside from appearing on this show. But they are talking about Jam Master Jay, so I’m probably just being a callous prick about this.

9:10

50 Cent gets the award for Best Rap Video. Eminem is on stage too. I think he’s wearing the exact same outfit that he wore last year. I’m glad that 50 brought him out – Eminem is just not on tv nearly enough, y’know?

9:11

The voiceover just promised a “special appearance from Eminem.” That’s more like it!

9:13

Ads are on right now. Earlier during the pre-show, they kept saying that Metallica were doing some special thing at the end to celebrate the 20th anniversary of this show. I wonder what it might be. Since Metallica is one of the most humorless bands of all time, it can’t possibly be anything funny or kitschy, so I’m not sure what to expect.

9:18

Lizzie Maguire, Jason Biggs, and Lil’ John are here to introduce Best Group Video.

9:20

Coldplay wins for “The Scientist.” Chris Martin is genuinely appreciative of the fact that Justin Timberlake enjoys his music. That’s cool.

9:21

Eminem’s doing a skit with the retarded Crank Yanker puppet. He’s opened his heart to puppets since his run-in with Triumph. This skit is BOMBING. They should’ve just had a rematch with Triumph.

9:23

50 Cent performs “P.I.M.P.”

9:25

Oh good. Snoop is here to lend a helping hand. Automatically, this is now way better.

Why does that one dancing girl near Snoop look so incredibly sad? She’s just standing there, sulking, with her body limp. Someone needs to give her a hug.

9:33

The Fab Five! YES YES YES

9:34

Oh, and Jimmy Fallon is there too.

9:35

This is pretty funny, they’re basically just riffing on the fact that Jimmy could easily pass for a member of the Queer Eye cast. But Jimmy should let go of the “but really, I’m straight” thing.

Why didn’t they let Carson talk more? They should’ve just let him host this show.

9:37

Carson Kressley totally fucking rocks. He just jumped up a foot off the ground in mock euphoria.

9:38

Beyonce wins again! I didn’t catch the category. She’s thanking Jay-Z.

9:39

More Crank Yankers? Ugh ugh ugh. Is this really that popular? At least Tracy Morgan is saving this skit a little bit.

9:40

The voiceover lady just told us that we’re about to see an “unforgettable performance” from Mary J. Blige. It seems to me that whether or not something will be forgettable should ideally be determined after the event happens.

9:45

Fred Durst introduces Jack Black, who is in Michael Jackson drag. They are just goofing on Jackson’s “Artist of the Century” meltdown from last year. Eh.

9:47

C’mon, give the award to the White Stripes.

9:48

Linkin Park gets the award instead, obviously.

One of the Linkin Park guys is wearing a trucker cap. I guess he doesn’t know yet. The Asian guy in this band looks like he’s an IT dude.

9:50

DMX has a dog in night camouflage fatigues! That’s the fucking craziest thing so far tonight!

9:51

Mary J. Blige is here to bring us nonmelodic histrionics drenched in waaaay too much reverb.

Oh, but Method Man is here! As with Snoop, it’s better already.

Now 50 Cent is on stage. That doesn’t make things better, but it doesn’t make it worse either.

9:52

Mary’s at least singing a melody now. This song isn’t half bad, actually. I’ve never heard this before.

9:54

Oh come on. She’s doing “No More Drama” now? Yawn.

9:57

Three minutes after it’s over, I’ve already forgotten most of Mary J. Blige’s performance. You lied to me, voiceover lady.

9:59

Avril Lavigne, Kelly Osbourne, and Duran Duran. That actually sort of makes sense. Kelly is happy about it.

It’s time for Best Dance Video, but they are having some sound problems.

10:01

Oh, they’re giving Duran Duran a lifetime achievement award. That’s awfully nice of them.

10:03

Justin is victorious once again! This time it’s for “Rock Your Body.”

10:10

Justin is so smoothe. Now he’s here to introduce Coldplay. He loves Coldplay because they are “emotional.” He thinks they’re the Best Band In The World.

10:11

Coldplay perform “The Scientist.”

10:12

This is really nice, but this is a nice song, and it’d be hard to fuck this up. Chris Martin really does need to shave, though.

10:15

Venus and Serena Williams are here to present the award for Best Male Video.

10:17

In that one shot from the “Cry Me A River” video, Justin really looks like he’s going for a Donnie Darko look. I wonder if they intended that.

10:18

Justin wins again. Maybe he’ll dedicate this one to Sasha Frere-Jones.

10:20

No, he dedicates it to Johnny Cash instead.

10:25

Mya and Pamela Anderson are presenting now. Someone needs to fix the levels on Mya’s mic.

10:26

Best New Artist goes to 50 Cent. That’s sensible.

10:28

Pharrell and a Linkin Park guy are here to introduce someone. Linkin Park guy is proud of liking Pete Yorn. Pharrell ignores him.

10:29

It’s BEYONCE TIME!

She’s upside down!

She’s doing “Baby Boy” while being groped by weird men dressed entirely in black, head to toe! It looks like something out of The Invisibles.

This is the kind of crazy I’ve been waiting for all night. Even Sean Paul can’t ruin this!

10:31

“Crazy In Love” kicks in! W000000T!

10:32

There’s a streaker!

10:33

Jay-Z is here! She’s got her mink stole! This is just fantastic. This is showmanship!

10:40

Ben Stiller and Drew Barrymore are here to present the Viewer’s Choice Award.

10:44

Good Charlotte wins. That makes sense – this was a tight race, but it seems like they have the largest number of white teen girl fans, and that’s how you win this award.

10:50

Adam Sandler, a magical pimp, and Snoop present Best Video and do “izzle” jokes that will be really, really dated soon.

10:52

Missy wins Best Video for “Work It”! This is truly Pop Justice!

I’m glad that Johnny Cash lost this.

She’s got a wacky Adidas golf suit! Nice.

10:55

Metallica do a MTV Greatest Hits riffs medley: Lenny Kravitz “Are You Gonna Go My Way”/Nirvana “Smells Like Teen Spirit”/The White Stripes “Seven Nation Army”/Michael Jackson “Beat It”

This is exactly what some people mean when they use the word “rockist.”

10:57

They’re doing their own song now. Metallica is unintentionally hilarious. They’re so serious!

The show’s over now. I’m going to get some crazy google hits with this post.

The Time My Voice Found The Words I Sought

The Strokes “12:51” (live at the Summer Sonic Festival, August 3rd 2003) – So does this mean that next year it will be hip to say that you are influenced by the first two U2 albums? Or could Julian Cassablancas’s passable Mark E Smith impression be enough to distract most people from the fact that the music sounds as though it is an outtake from the Boy sessions?

Late Summer Reruns

I don’t plan on doing this too often, but today I’m posting some reader requests for songs that I have blogged here in the past.

Rusty writes:

dear matthew

big fan of em, and i saw em with radiohead tonight. when you saw them in brooklyn, did you record the enitre show, and did they play the song ‘fly’ that they opened up with tonight? it was outstanding. malkmus came out and introduced it as ‘fly,’ slow number with killer synth on the side. opened up with a line about flying away … do you maybe have it somewhere? if not, know where i might be able to get it. thanks man.

I’ve never actually recorded a Jicks show, but I do have several good recordings of the Jicks performing “Fly,” which is a cover of a song by a very obscure psychedelic band from the late 60s called J.K. & Co. I went through about ten different recordings of the song, and I think that this version from the Paris 2001 Oui FM concert is the best in terms of performance and sound quality. I’ve edited the song so that there is virtually no audience noise, so that it could fit in well on a cd of studio tracks.

To double your pleasure, here is the beautiful original J.K. & Co. version of “Fly.” The song is taken from the only album the band ever recorded, 1968’s Suddenly One Summer. J.K. & Co. were led by the 15 year old singer/songwriter Jay Kaye, son of the guitarist Mary Kaye of Las Vegas’ The Mary Kaye Trio and namesake of the Mary Kaye Fender Stratocaster. The album itself is primarily inspired by Jay’s spiritual awakening as a result of taking LSD, and is meant to represent the birth and death of a fictional man. His band’s career was unfortunately cut short due to their record company’s unwise decision to release the 36 second instrumental intro before “Fly” on the album as a single in an attempt to gain publicity for having the shortest single ever released. This obviously didn’t go over well, and led to very poor sales for the album, and the band were financially limited to touring only in California. Making matters worse, Kaye’s age meant that they could not get gigs in most nightclubs, forcing them to play mostly teen rec centers. Apparently, Kaye is now living in Spain and still writing and performing music.

Chris writes:

Do you know if there’s anywhere else on the web where I can find that mp3 of the weird girl talking over Prince’s “Kiss” you posted a while back?

I really don’t think so. I recorded that from an archive of The Audio Kitchen which has since been removed. I think it’s fairly safe to say that that only people who ever heard the mp3 were either a) directly acquainted with the person who made the mp3 or recieved it as part of the intended gift, b) friends of the Audio Kitchen’s Professor, or listeners of the show or c) people who downloaded the mp3 from this blog and passed it on. I’m totally wrong! Go here for the Amy track, plus a whole bunch of other similar mp3s!

The mp3 in question was recorded by a girl named Amy for a mix cd which she was making for her girlfriend Caroline. She recorded herself singing along and making some comments over the top of Prince’s classic “Kiss.” Amy is extremely flirtatious, but also disturbingly possessive and transparently insecure. The Professor found this on Amy’s harddrive back in the heyday of Napster, aired it on a special edition of the Audio Kitchen last year, and now it belongs to the world. It’s easily one of the most entertaining bits of found audio that I’ve ever encountered, and I’m happy to offer it up once again. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Amy Sings With Prince For Caroline

Super Heat Super Heat Super Heat

Dog Ruff “Jon E Storm” – This is taken from the Northern Electronic compilation of electronic pop acts from Sheffield, England. This is just ridiculously fun and catchy; it’s got an insistent beat and cute cheerleader-style vocals about Johnny Storm from the Fantastic Four. Once again, if you can’t take novelty dance punk-pop, don’t bother with this. However, if you’re into that sort of thing, you are in for a treat. (Thanks to Junkai!)

Hey, I just realized that the MTV awards will be on this coming Thursday – I’ll have to do another MTV VMA Play By Play. That was a lot of fun last year.

All Of Us Sing About It

The Dandy Warhols “Plan A” – Thanks to Gaston, who told me a few times over to check out the new Dandy Warhols LP Welcome To The Monkey House, and was totally right about it. I always take it as a good sign when I want to post a song from an album on this blog, and I have to have a little pros-and-cons debate in my head about which song to pick. It was either this or the single “We Used To Be Friends,” but this one won out because I like that it’s the first song that I’ve heard that sounds like it may have been influenced by 13/Think Tank era Blur. Great Albarn-y falsetto on the verses, by the way.

Timbaland, Magoo, and Missy Elliot “Cop That Shit” – Please embrace the irony of downloading a song with an anti-P2P/bootlegging/burning-cds-for-friends message. (But do buy the new Timbaland album if you can afford it. No need to be too spiteful about it.) Those of you who may not get a mischievious thrill from that should at least listen to it for the great Missy verse about halfway through. Never stinking!