Onward And Upwards, That’s The Way

Robert Wyatt “Trickle Down” – This is taken from last year’s Cuckooland, which I sampled on the strength of O. Nate’s glowing review. It’s a beautiful record, and it reveals its strange charms to me the more I listen to it. “Trickle Down” floats along on a beautiful rising and falling bassline and light-but-busy jazz percussion, and features Wyatt’s distinctive reedy vocals. Like the rest of Cuckooland, it’s a rare contemporary jazz recording that sounds vital and alive while also maintaining a musical continuity with the jazz of the late 50s and early 60s. There’s a fairly obvious Charles Mingus influence here, but it’s not overly reverential or stodgy.

Also: Check out the videos for the Scissor Sisters’ “Laura” and “Comfortably Numb.”

I Know My Heart Can Make You Happy

Girls Aloud “Jump” – Alright, I’m convinced by Girls Aloud now. This is a cover of the Pointer Sisters hit, and it’s extremely energetic and addictive. It’s also strangely lacking in nostalgia and irony for a cover of a big 80s hit – it’s so driving and enthusiastic that it seems as though it barely has time at all to nod or wink.

Stereolab “Margerine Rock” – Is this track exciting if you’ve never heard Stereolab before? Over time, I find that the context of previous Stereolab music limits my enjoyment of their every new record, because it all blurs together after a while. Generally, a new Stereolab record does not mean new Stereolab songs so much as slightly new approaches to the old ones. There’s a lot of new textures and some different song structures on their new Margerine Eclipse LP, but aside from a couple of the tracks and some interesting formal touches, but it still feels like the same old thing to me. It’s so frustrating – they are a band which is constantly changing, but has felt the same way since 1998.

Anyway, I’ve found that the best way to enjoy Stereolab is by cherrypicking the best songs from their records, and making greatest-hits cds. “Margerine Rock” is one of my picks from the new album – to my ears, it’s the obvious single (though by no means a hit single), and it benefits greatly from actually rocking a little bit. Most of Margerine Eclipse feels as though it just needs a little push – there are some great rhythmic, melodic, and textural ideas all over the place, but it just doesn’t feel spirited and aggressive enough. You can almost dance to it. I just wish that they would go all the way with some of these songs.

Ten Days Of Perfect Tunes

The Knife “Heartbeats” – This could very well be the best single of 2003 that almost no one heard. I posted this over the summer, but it deserves another chance. Part of the reason the song is so obscure is that it’s an import-only record in the US, and was self-released on a tiny Swedish label. In a better world, this song would’ve been the electropop hit ballad of the summer, and everyone would be trying to figure out the lyrics of the chorus. As for how it sounds – think Cyndi Lauper ballads, think pre-Matthew Barney Bjork, but with a Swedish accent. I have no idea what their label/licensing situation is like, but if any smart American label wants to pick up a surefire winner, they really should get on this band.

Also: Tangmonkey is back in service with new MP3s after a brief server-related hiatus.

This’ll Be The Last Time I Ever Do Your Hair!

Scissor Sisters @ Bowery Ballroom 1/10/2004

Take Your Mama Out / Better Luck Next Time / Laura / New Song (“Forever Right Now”?) / Tits On The Radio / New Song (no clue what the title for this could be – the words “skin” and “sin” came up a few times) / New Song (“Magnifique”?) / Mary / Comfortably Numb / Music Is The Victim // Rock My Spot (b-side to a forthcoming single) / Filthy & Gorgeous (with special guest Fred Schneider of the B52s!)

Oh wow. Now that’s how it’s done! It was an amazing show, and immediately one of my favorite concert experiences ever. The most obvious thing to comment on would be Jake Shears’ and Ana Matronic’s incredible starpower. They are the hottness personified. We’re talking Andre 3000-level charisma here, folks. I’m very impressed by Shears’ ability to completely own the stage without resorting to the same old “I’m pretending to be a rock star” choreography that lesser frontmen fall into these days – he seems utterly natural onstage, as does the rest of the band, in spite of their obvious stylistic excess. Ana Matronic’s role in the band is somewhat similar to that of Neko Case in the New Pornographers – she sings a lot of back up vocals, dances, nearly steals the show with her lone lead vocal number (“Tits on the Radio”), and charms the crowd with witty between-song banter.

As a band, they are tight and professional, but loose enough to not sound too karaoke. They clearly thrive on the energy of the audience, and last night’s crowd was one of the most attractive, dance-happy, and enthusiastic audiences that I’ve ever been a part of. In addition to songs from the forthcoming record, they played a few newer unreleased numbers which were all fantastic. The one which I suspect is called “Forever Right Now” is sort of like “Take Your Mama Out” gone cod-raggae, and the one I think is called “Magnifique” is a full-on disco floor-filler. They can’t release that one soon enough, really, but it’d be wasted if it weren’t an a-side. Fred Schneider’s guest appearance on “Filthy & Gorgeous” was a great surprise – he danced around, flirted with Jake and Ana, and sang on the chorus – “Fillll-THAY!” “Gorrr-JUSS!”

I’m sorry if this is all coming out like pure gush, but I feel as though I can’t overstate how great they were. If they come to your town, please make the effort to see them live. If you’re into them at all, your estimation of them will no doubt improve. I went into that show loving them, and now I feel like some kind of fanatic.

The opening acts were fabulous too – Opti-Grab were extremely entertaining, and pulled off their somewhat limited late-80s rap/booty music schtick as best as anyone possibly could have. For them, the key was that they were totally commited to what they were doing – absolutely nothing about their act was half-assed, and they clearly put in a great deal of work and practice. They were slick and polished entertainers rather than an amateurish joke band. Like the Scissor Sisters, they also completely own the stage during their set, especially the girl, T$, who seems as though she’s been at this her whole life. I meant to buy a copy of their album, but by the time I got to their merch table, it was all sold out. I did manage to get one song to share here, the somewhat atypical “Daddy,” which lacks rapping altogether, but was nonetheless a highlight of their show.

In between the Opti-Grab and Scissor Sisters sets, we were treated to a dance routine by two friends of the Scissor Sisters, Christie Love and a flamboyantly gay Korean dude called Tai Chi Alfonso, who just may be the best dancer I’ve ever seen. Their entire skit was prerecorded and all of their dialogue was lip synched, and they used a gigantic fake iPod as a prop. They were really funny, and suited the mood of the night rather well.

We Feel Each Others’ Bodies

Space Cowboy “Just Put Your Hand In Mine” – For those of you who loved the Heiko Voss tune from yesterday, here’s another (more house-y) euphoric disco song with a repetitive and catchy vocal line. It doesn’t stray far from Space Cowboy’s previous hit, which was pretty much the same trick but with Prince’s “I Would Die 4 U” as the vocal line, but it hits the mark. I’m not sure, but I think that this song is using an Erasure sample, and I can’t seem to find any sites online which will corroborate that.

Mu “Let’s Get Sick” – This song, like most everything from the Afro Finger And Gel album, makes me feel as though I’m living in some kind of crazy post-apocalyptic world – one, perhaps, where ROBOTS ARE OUR MASTERS. But in kind of a cool way, you know? This is the music of the future, provided something terrible happens to all of us. It’s a very good album, though it took me a little while to warm up to it, because it is quite harsh at first.

Anyway, I caught Dial M For Murder in 3-D at the Film Forum last night. There was no discernable reason for this film to be presented in 3-D. I can only imagine that this gimmick was used in the 50s as a matter of bandwagon-jumping and perhaps an attempt to draw people to see an otherwise middling effort by Alfred Hitchcock. Or maybe I’m wrong, and I really should have been more amazed by that stationary table lamp popping into the foreground during that scene where Tony Wendice explains that he’s been stalking the guy he’s set up to murder his wife.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a film with more exposition, by the way. It must have been at least 97% exposition! That just does not translate to 3-D at all. The plot was entertaining enough (if overly reliant on all of the characters but Wendice being extremely dim), but the most enjoyable thing about the film was its awkward (and occasionally unintentional?) humor. Now, if I ever get caught in a conspiracy to have someone killed, the first thing I’ll do after that revelation is offer everyone in the room drinks from my mini-bar. That’s class.

Baby, That Tongue’s Not Welcome Around Here

Rachel Stevens “Sweet Dreams (My L.A. Ex)” – How did I miss this? I really ought to pay more attention to the UK pop charts in the future. I wish that someone had tapped me on the shoulder and told me about this song earlier. (If you were curious, I sampled this song because it ranked highly on Troubled Diva’s year end list.) Anyway, this is a perfect pop song, and I loved it immediately after hearing the first three or four bars. Of course, it only gets better from there – the “what planet are you from…” pre-chorus, the chorus itself, and the middle-eight are all impeccable. Maybe we’ll get lucky, and this song will become a hit in the US too.

Heiko Voss “I Think About You (Original Mix)” – This is taken from Fabric 13, a compilation put together by Michael Mayer of Germany’s Kompakt dance label. This song is like dreamy disco bliss, basically. It’s one of those songs that just sounds like love.

There Will Be Violent Dramatics If You Don’t Pay My AMEX

Junior Boys “High Come Down” – This sounds sort of like a twitchy, uneasy slow jam, and the vocals have been somewhat accurately described as “Darryl Hall with a sore throat.” It makes me think of being in a nice comfortable bed with red silk sheets and heavy handed romantic lighting, shifting around restlessly trying to find a comfortable position.

White Trash “I Don’t Love You” – Ah, yes, I do love the sound of cartoonishly shallow emotional cruelty when it is set to a dance beat. RIYL: Emma Frost, Lindsay Bluth, most Heather Locklear characters.

Ryan Adams Whining Into Jim DeRogatis’ Answering Machine – Oh man. This recording is making the rounds right now, and you’ve got to hear this. It’s just too good. This is nearly three minutes of Ryan Adams whining about a bad review that DeRogatis wrote about one of his gigs from about three weeks ago. This almost sounds like a Jon Wurster or Andrew Earles character on the Best Show. Adams’ ego and petulance apparently has no limit. Highlight: “You obviously have like, a problem with me, not with the music, because you can’t refute it, obviously, because it’s too fucking good, and you know it is.”

Tom Scharpling Weighs In On The Ryan Adams/Jim DeRogatis Thing – Tom rips apart the answering machine message, as well as the (even crazier!) essay/journal entry that Adams posted on his website.

(Thanks to Milo and Nate!)

Also: If you are going to vote in that Bloggies thing, please this consider this blog, along with some of the others linked to the right. Judging by previous winners in this thing, the music category isn’t well served, and I find some of the previous nominees/winners to be somewhat….lacking. Anyone can vote in this thing, so let’s see some love for SFJ, Clap Clap (who can fit in a few different categories there, actually), NYPLM, Technicolor, Badger Minor, The Rub, Oh Manchester, Woebot, Enthusiastic But Mediocre, Flyboy, No Rock N’ Roll Fun, etc. There’s a lot of great music blogs to choose from, and this is definitely a way to get their names out there.

Be Cool, My Babies

Reuben Wilson “Hold On, I’m Comin’!” – I swear to God, if I ever had a radio or television show, I would have this be my theme song. If Conan O’Brien ever makes good on his threat about doing a surprise episode which is nothing but him, the audience, and his guests dancing awkwardly to the band for a full hour, the Max Weinberg Seven should definitely play this song sometime during that episode.

Method Man w/ Ol’ Dirty Bastard “Ain’t A Damn Thing Changed” – The backing track to this song sounds very very similar to another hip hop hit that was all over BET last year – I think it was the Young Gunz, but I’m not sure. I wasn’t too into that song, so I wasn’t paying attention, and either way, it sounds a lot better with Method Man. This may or may not be on the forthcoming Method Man lp. Ol’ Dirty Bastard is definitely wasted on the chanted chorus, but you take what you can get with that guy, I guess.

Just a note to my NYC-area readers – are any of you going to see the Scissor Sisters at the Bowery Ballroom on Saturday night? I’ll be there, by myself, and I’d be happy to meet you if you’re going to be there. Just give me some advance notice.

Tell Me That Ain’t Insecurr

Kayne West w/ Lauryn Hill “Self Concious” – With this song, Kayne West singlehandedly redeems Lauryn Hill’s dire soul music-by-way-of-Jandek Unplugged 2.0 record by sampling a line from one of its songs into a catchy hook for this fine tune. Actually, if you only knew about that record from hearing this song, you may be left with the impression that the record may actually be quite good, but trust me, if you go back and listen to it, you will be quickly disabused of that notion. I haven’t spent enough time with Kanye’s College Dropout record to form any solid opinions about, but it sounds pretty good to me so far. I would guess that this song will be the next big single, after “Through The Wire” finally runs its course.

Lizzy Mercier Descloux “Funky Stuff” – RIYL: The Slits, basically. I really lack the knowledge of African and Latin music to make any kind of informed remarks about her music’s roots in that milieu, so when I say that she basically sounds like a funkier, more disco version of The Slits, you just have to chalk that up as being the best I can do given somewhat limited cultural reference points. This is taken from Mambo Nasau, which along with Press Color has recently been reissued on Ze Records. Both records are excellent, I highly recommend them.

There’s A “Patriotic American Undertone” Here?

Reader mail!

Hi – I have enjoyed reading your blog and generally I agree with what you have

to say. However it would be nice if I didn’t feel that everything had

such a bloody American patriotic undertone. I know this is a blog and

therefore freedom of opinion etc is what its all about. I just wanted to

express my disappointment in what I thought was an excellent blog. Oh

well. As regards to ‘The Triplets of Belville’ your comments just expose

your lack of intellect, you obviously didn’t ‘get’ the film at all, yet

you like ‘American Wedding’, please. Oh have you seen ‘Stuck on you’ bet

you’d love that. Anyway all the best with your site.

I love the idea that one kind of lowbrow comedy film is the “intellectual” one, apparently by virtue of it being a foreign film, or specifically, a French film. If anything, The Triplets Of Belleville is a more lowbrow and sophmoric movie than American Wedding. I’m totally baffled by the implication that there’s some kind of insidious American patriotism at work in my writing at all – is this coming from the fact that I rate two films with the word “American” in the title a B and an A+ respectively, but disliked the lone French film? The Frenchness of The Triplets Of Belleville was not the problem, really – I have no issue with the French.

I seriously do not think there was anything to “get” about the film – it’s plotted on the same level of a children’s cartoon or a bad newspaper comic strip, and the wit is base and rather mindless. It’s just not funny, man. If your idea of a cutting satire is the image of an obese Statue Of Liberty with a cheeseburger, then hey, go and love this movie. But please, don’t try to sell it to me as a great work of comedy. More than anything else, the film struck me as being very dumb, which is why I find the insult of my intellect to be particularly amusing.

I have fair expectations for comedy – I don’t expect everything to be as perfect as say, The Office or Arrested Development, but I can appreciate a lot of flawed mainstream work on its own merits. I went in to the Triplets Of Belleville wanting to like it – I wouldn’t spend $10 on it otherwise – but it utterly failed to entertain me, stimulate me, or make me laugh. I can find some worth in the worst films, but with this one, the best I can say is that the animation was alright, if a bit on the busy side.

I’m sorry, reader, but I’m going to have to chalk up your opinions to being more indicative of an anti-American mainstream bias/snobbishness on your part than as any kind of realistic indictment of kneejerk patriotism in my writing.

2003: My Year In Films

This list is incomplete right now, mostly because I can’t remember everything right now. I’m definitely forgetting some films right now. Over the course of the next few days, I will have brief comments about each film.

28 Days Later B – Inconsequential but very entertaining zombie film. I’ve never been a huge fan of horror, so when I see films from the genre which I like, it’s always a pleasant surprise. Strangely, I don’t remember all that much from this film other than the scenes of the empty city set to Godspeed You Black Emperor, and the satisfyingly gory conclusion.

A Mighty Wind – Though not as consistently funny as Best In Show, A Mighty Wind finds Christopher Guest and Eugene Levy’s (expanded) improvisational troupe in fine form. Eugene Levy steals the show overall as the despondent Mitch, but Jane Lynch’s Laurie Bohner scores the best deadpan lines in the film. A-

All The Real Girls – This is a mess of a film. It’s not completely bad – I think that it could definitely be edited into a halfway decent 30 minute short film; but left to the devices of its writer/director David Gordon Green, it is padded out with unnecessary scenes and pointless selfindulgence which ultimately makes the film come across as the work of an amateur with some signs of potential. The plot isn’t anything special, but it makes a virtue of its banality by letting the story play itself out naturalistically for most of the film. The best parts of the movie are the scenes in which the two leads interact with other under less than dramatic circumstances, and the film keeps it focus squarely on the dynamics of those two characters. Green has a gift for capturing realistically awkward conversational rhythms and letting his inarticulate characters communicate themselves mostly through subtext. However, when the characters have to actually say what they really mean it usually just ends up sounding like like bad poetry or Oscar-reel histrionics. There’s plenty of parts in the film which don’t feel natural at all; scenes which either seem stilted due to the limitations of the actors, Green’s direction, or the script’s reliance on indie/art film cliches. (My full review of this film can be found here.) C-

American Splendor – This film tells the story of the great Harvey Pekar through a unique mixture of documentary, animation, and adaptations of Pekar’s own autobiographical comics starring Paul Giamatti and Hope Davis. American Splendor has a wit and craft which puts most other films to shame, and it is the summit of Pekar’s lifelong project of transforming his hard-luck life into the stuff of working-class-hero legend. A

American Wedding – I have a lot of goodwill for the American Pie franchise, and this was pretty much more of the same. Unnecessary characters from the previous two films are wisely jettisoned, and greater emphasis is placed on Eugene Levy and Seann William Scott’s deranged fratboy Stifler, who were the two best reasons to watch these films to begin with. I especially enjoyed the budding Fonzie/Richie relationship between Jim and Stifler, which I’d like to see further played out should this franchise continue. I don’t see why it shouldn’t – both of the sequels are better than the original American Pie, and it’s sort of amazing how much mileage the writers and actors have managed to squeeze out of what initially seemed like very thin characters. Not all of the jokes are great, but most of it works, especially the inspired sequence with Stifler in the gay bar. If this is the end of the Stifler character, then someone in Hollywood really ought to find a way to give Scott a new character that plays to the same strengths, because he truly has a gift for playing this particular type of oaf. B

Big Fish – I’ve never really been a huge Tim Burton fan, so I’m happy to see this come from him. Though some critics fault this film for its tear-jerker ending, I’m not exactly convinced that this film would have been better if it wasn’t at least a little bit heavy-handed. I enjoyed the ending, but the gentle humor and casual weirdness is what I found most endearing. B

Bubba Ho Tep – This isn’t a bad film, and it definitely has its moments of greatness (for example, the bit where the impersonator kisses Elvis’s ring), but it hasn’t really stuck with me in the longterm. It’s good entertainment, but it misses the mark by trying so incredibly hard to be a cult film. I wish that they hadn’t played it so straight – the film would be better if they had embraced the weirdness of it a bit more, and kept amping up that weirdness as the film progresses. As it is, it just plateaus about a half hour in and sustains the same level of weirdness and humor, and it ends up feeling static when it really should have been a lot more dynamic. B-

Capturing The Friedmans – This fascinating documentary tells the story of the Friedmans, a Long Island family torn apart by allegations of sexual abuse. Though it is quite clear that something happened, it is hard to discern the facts of the matter, since everything is distorted by a complicated web of lies, self-delusion, police corruption, and hyperbole borne of a town’s fear and opportunism. The film offers no clear answers, and every time the viewer feels as though it has a grasp of what happened, startling new information enters the story which changes everything. It’s a riveting film, and one which will change the way you think of the word “leapfrog” forever. A

Cremaster 3 – Though this film was sort of painful to watch when I actually screened it at the Guggenheim, my opinion of it has improved somewhat in hindsight. When I think back on it, I only seem to remember the best images and sequences and its interminable length and obtuse narrative have become more forgiveable. I’m not much of a Matthew Barney fan, but I have learned to respect what he does, even if I think he should probably avoid filmmaking in the future. C

Elf – Will Ferrell shines in this charming holiday crowd-pleaser. I could do without the schmaltz towards the end, but it’s appropriate for the genre, and Ferrell’s comedic talents far transcends the film’s more formulaic moments. The film also features a strong supporting cast, including Andy Richter, Amy Sedaris, Zooey Deschanel, Peter Dinklage, Ed Asner, and Bob Newhart. B

Finding Nemo – This is a likeable but mediocre children’s film which I find to be extremely overrated, but that could be largely because I’m not at all part of this film’s target demographic. It is amusing when it wants to be, but much of the humor is either lame or overly dependent on cheap puns. Ellen DeGeneres’ turn as the voice of Dory, the memory-impaired goldfish is enjoyable, and by far the best thing about this film. C+

Intolerable Cruelty – I can’t really understand why some people dislike this film so much – I guess they are all Coen fans mired in expectations. Whatever. This film was very entertaining, and had some very funny bits. I thought that the first half of the film was sharper and wittier than the second half, but since so few solid comedies are made these days, I’m willing to grade on a curve. Either way, how can anyone deny Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy? B

Kill Bill Vol. 1 – Though this movie can obviously work as either a simple action film or as a film-nerd/trainspotter’s collage of Asian martial arts cinema tropes, I found it to be primarily an extremely absurd dark comedy. In addition to offering some of the most beautiful and memorable images that I’ve seen in any visual medium from this past year, it also includes some of the year’s most hilarious jokes. I’m very excited to see the second installment, though I find it hard to imagine that anything in it can top the sequences in Japan with O-Ren Ishii. A

Lost In Translation – This is, along with Morvern Callar and Kill Bill, one of the finest pieces of visual art that I’ve seen in the past year. The real triumph here is that the photography and visual storytelling is second to the story, with its sharp humor and subtle, well-observed characters. I feel a strong emotional connection to this film, and clearly this has been the case for many other people. It’s a rare and special film; and it is, at least within my personal canon, an instant classic. A

Matrix Reloaded – There are just so many things wrong with this movie, I barely know where to begin. I knew going in that it wouldn’t be a very intelligent or thoughtful film, all I was hoping for was an entertaining action film, and it did not deliver on those merits. I will say this – if you’re a person who went to see Matrix Reloaded and was exposed to philosophies and ideas that you had never been exposed to/thought of yourself by the age of 15, then I do believe that you are shallow and lacking in intellectual curiosity, and frankly, you deserve movies like this. (My full review of this film can be found here.) D+

Morvern Callar – This starts off moody, broody, and quiet, but eventually morphs into a bleak buddy travelogue comedy. It’s a nice trick, and I’d like to see this again sometime soon so that I can watch it with full knowledge of the plot. Visually, this film is amazing. Every shot is perfectly composed, and as a friend of mine noted, it seems almost like a ninety minute painting. Thanks to some clever sound editing, the mix tape which is a major plot point of the film is allowed to feel very real to the viewer, and becomes a character in and of itself. A-

My Architect – This is a documentary made by the son of influential 20th century architect Louis Kahn about his father’s life and career. The film attempts to piece together the man’s fractured personal life, which was complicated greatly by having children with two mistresses, which was kept a secret until after his death. The film visits the site of each of Kahn’s most important buildings, and manages to give the viewer a sense of what it may be like to experience them, particularly his greatest works, the singular Salk Institute and the stunning National Assembly in Dhaka, Bangladesh. The film is a great portrait of an artist’s life and work, and gives great insight into the often neglected art of architecture. A

Old School – This movie has some very funny scenes (almost all of which are dominated by Will Ferrell), but is overly formulaic and is set back considerably by awkward pacing and bad editing. Will Ferrell and Luke Wilson carry the film, but deserve much better material. B-

The School Of Rock – Much like Elf, this is an amusing mainstream comedy built to play to the specific strengths of its star. Everything that’s ever been funny and unique about Jack Black is distilled into what is essentially a mash-up of the Bad News Bears and Wayne’s World. The movie has a lot of heart, and plays out the conventions of Hollywood kid’s films with intelligence and wit, so when it strays into formula, it hardly matters. It’s hard to imagine Black finding a better role than this. B+

The Secret Lives Of Dentists – This film is mostly quite mediocre, but features a typically strong performance by Hope Davis as a woman whose adulterous affair torments her repressed husband. The writing and acting is fine enough, but the film has very little to say about its characters aside from simply portraying them believably. Denis Leary has a supporting role as the “devil-on-the-shoulder” id within Scott’s internal monologue, a device which is alternately amusing and grating. The film suffers for having an obnoxious and somewhat inappropriate soundtrack which vaguely recalls the sort of music one would hear in a low-budget soft porn film on Cinemax late at night. C+

The Shape Of Things C-

Spellbound – This is another in a series of great, entertaining documentaries about left-field subject matter from the past year. The film starts off with profiles of eight of the contestants who are about to head off to the National Spelling Bee, and allows the audience to root for their favorites in the competion in the latter half. My personal favorites are the bizarre, ADD-addled Harry, ticking time-bomb Ted, and April, the most pessimistic 12 year old girl in the world. A

Spy Kids 3-D – Though this film is often hilariously absurd and includes a few of weirdest plot nonsequitors I’ve ever seen (Steve Buscemi comes to the rescue on a giant flying pig!), the video game themed scenes were dull, and overall the film isn’t particularly memorable. B-

The Station Agent – Though this is by no means a bad movie, it never rises above the level of low-expectations indie mediocrity. The film is built around (and presumably written for) Peter Dinklage, who turns in a great performance in a film that is otherwise totally forgettable. B-

Thirteen – The best way to describe this film would be “edgy after-school special.” Extremely po-faced and melodramatic, and utterly lacking in humor and irony, Thirteen seems designed primarily to frighten parents and titillate the lecherous. The writing, score, and photography is amateurish at best, and occasionally veers off into the worst kind of art school pretentiousness. Evan Rachel Wood’s performance is remarkable given her age, but she can’t help but to indulge in a bout of scene-chomping histrionics along with Holly Hunter by the end of the film. C

The Triplets Of Belleville – I am extremely mystified by every good review written about this film, which may actually be the single worst film I’ve ever seen. There have been films which have angered me more, and some which were more painful to watch, but in terms of sheer mind-numbing tedium, nothing I’ve witnessed comes close to this. It felt as though I had paid $10 to have entertainment removed from my life for 74 minutes and replaced with a seemingly endless stream of unfunny gags, grating sound effects, and sub-mediocre plotting. As my friend who saw this with me says, “The Triplets of Belleville” is an entertaining movie, if you’ve never seen a cartoon before in your life, like fat and gay jokes, and think that playing household items like musical instruments (Imagine – Marge Simpson in Stomp) is somehow innovative or remarkable, or indeed, is anything less than teeth-grindingly annoying.” Please avoid this film at all costs. D-

X2: X-Men United – Along with Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man, this is the best superhero film I’ve ever seen. I do prefer X-Men 2 to Spider-Man, but I’ve preferred X-Men to every other geeky franchise since I was six years old. This movie gets the X-Men right in ways that the comics very seldom have, outside of Grant Morrison’s New X-Men and Chris Claremont’s mid-80s run with Paul Smith and John Romita Jr. on Uncanny X-Men. The film has its share of logical flaws, and I’m disappointed by how it short-changes key characters like Charles Xavier and Scott Summers, but almost everything else works so well that I can let that all slide. Ian McKellan’s Magneto and Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine steal the show again; but Alan Cumming’s Nightcrawler is the best that character has been since 1985, and Rogue and Iceman are far better characters in the film than they have ever been in the actual comics. Judging by the conclusion of this film, the next film will probably deal with Jean Grey and the Phoenix, which should be interesting. That won’t be easy to translate to film, unless the screen writers go with Grant Morrison’s less continuity-heavy version of the Phoenix. I’d be quite happy if Emma Frost and the Beast were introduced as well, but there is already so many characters in this film franchise, it may not be a good idea to include any more without further sacrificing time for the pre-existing characters. A-

Anyhow Or Anyway

Clone Defects “Stray Boy” – It’s always cheap and easy to explain how something sounds by using the old “it’s like _____ crossed with ____” trick, but seriously, this song really sounds exactly like Nation Of Ulysses-era Ian Svenonius fronting the Stooges. And that rules; moreso for the “sounds like Ian Svenonius” part than for the Stooges thing, which I can sort of take or leave since I’m not a huge fan of The Stooges and quite enough bands ape them to begin with. It’s great reverb-soaked fun, and the album from which this is taken, Shapes Of Venus, is more of the same.

I Have A Theory

In the mid-80s, Michael Jackson used a chunk of his immense wealth to purchase a time machine, and with it, successfully travelled into the future. On his first expedition, he arrived in the early 2000s. There he found that the most popular and acclaimed American rock star was a man named Jack White – a flamboyant rocker with striking pale white skin and shoulder-length black hair. At the same time, Michael learned of his own horrible crimes and his very public downfall. This drove him mad. Upon returning to the mid-80s, Michael was inspired to warp his own physical appearance so that he could resemble this rock star from the future. At the same time, he resigned himself to not changing his behavior in the hopes of altering the future because he feared that he may create a timeline anomoly that would shatter the multiverse, as he had read about in DC’s Crisis On Infinite Earths comic books. This led to Michael living out a horrible prophecy of child abuse, deviant sexuality, and ever-deepening madness. Time has now come full circle, so we should all keep our eyes open so that if we see early 80s black Michael, we can stop him and potentially reverse this horrible timeline disaster.

Clear As Winter Ice

Chicks On Speed “Wordy Rappinghood (Playgroup Remix)” – This the dancefloor version of Chicks On Speed’s all-star Tom Tom Club cover from the recent 99 Cents album, featuring guest vocals by Tina Weymouth, Le Tigre, Miss Kitten, Kevin Blechdom and Adult. The somewhat annoying “rum sum sum hi ki yippie ki woo a woo” chorus has been jettisoned, and a sleek disco bassline has been added, which are both improvements as far as I’m concerned. You’ve still got some cheesy white girl rapping, but that’s part of the song’s essential charm.

The Clash “Straight To Hell” (Live) – It’s been a year now since Joe Strummer passed away. It’s still hard to believe that he’s really gone. I remember when I first heard that he had died, and I thought that it was some kind of mistake. It is such a shame that he died so young, but I do suppose he packed quite a lot of living into his 50 years. Anyway, this version of “Straight To Hell” is taken from the live album From Here To Eternity, and contains the immortal “sing in tune, ye bastards!” bit towards the end. R.I.P., Joe.

This will be the last entry til after Christmas. Have a happy holiday, everyone. Take care of yourselves.

Slip A Sable Under The Tree

Kylie Minogue “Santa Baby” – Kylie is so cute! This song is already a very kitschy tune, but good ol’ Kylie camps it up above and beyond the call of duty. So, as a result, it comes out being closer to the Eartha Kitt original than the fine but perhaps overly literal version that Madonna recorded back in the mid-80s at the height of her Material Girl shtick.

Aretha Franklin “Eleanor Rigby” – Now this is a peculiar cover. Musically, it’s a totally different song from the Beatles original in terms of arrangement, chords, melody, and overall tone. So I’m wondering, did Aretha just really love the lyrics and decided to turn it into an upbeat soul number because that’s, well, what she does? It’s a pretty great version though, even if it seems like a totally different song. In fact, I kinda prefer it this way, but I’ve never been a huge fan of the Beatles version to begin with. I’ll take the party tune over the dirge, thank you.

Stumbling Down The Staircase That I Built With My Own Hands

Yellow Note Vs. Pukka “Naked, Drunk, and Horny” – I posted this song about a year ago, but that shouldn’t make too much difference considering that there’s so many more people reading this blog now than back then. I’m not sure what breaks my heart more: The fact that this song is not and probably won’t ever be a massive hit in spite of the fact that there are probably millions of people out there who would love it, or that the Yellow Note album which contains it after its initial release as a one-off single is such a tremendous dud. Of course, the singer Pukka does not appear on the rest of the tracks from We Love Everybody…You’re Next!, but that’s only half of the problem – most of the album is nothing but tedious and painfully unimaginative beginner’s level retro-80s keyboard music, devoid of the kind of joyous pop hooks that “Naked, Drunk, and Horny” has in abundance. Nevermind the rest of that record, though. To borrow a phrase from Uncle Grambo of the Whatevs blog, “Naked, Drunk, and Horny” is SO FUCKING BEST. This is as good as modern electro pop gets – sexy come-ons, tweeness, self-deprecation, a keyboard bit that sounds a lot like Depeche Mode’s “Just Can’t Get Enough,” vocodered vocals, and inexplicable references to DIY carpentry all wrapped up in one bright and shiny pop package.

Also: Fans of mp3 blogging should check out the fairly new site Fruits Of Chaos // A Sampler, which hosts some rather obscure songs and is curated by two girls who are apparently students at NYU.

Oh look: There’s another Fluxblog.

Lock Yourself In Your Hotel Room

It’s covers day!

The Fiery Furnaces “One More Time” – At the risk of this blog becoming a part-time Fiery Furnaces fan site, here is yet another rarity of theirs. I’m sorry if this seems as though I’m trying to brow beat you all into loving them, but so be it. This was recorded exclusively for Uncut’s White Riot Vol. One: A Tribute To The Clash; and as with their cover of The Fall’s “The Winter” on a recent Rough Trade compilation, it a) shows that they have a knack for selecting a less-than-obvious song by a great band to cover and b) has a drastically different arrangement from the original but still manages to keep the spirit of the song intact. Listening to this, it just makes me so excited for the next Fiery Furnaces record, because I get the sense that it’s only going to get better with them. The keyboard textures and echo effects on this track are to die for, by the way.

The Kills “The Search For Cherry Red” – This cover of the Jonathan Fire Eater classic is the b-side of The Kills’ recent “Pull A U” single. It’s by no means better than the original (you just can’t improve on that, the Vox organ sounds are especially unique and perfect), but this slow, smoldering take plays to the Kills strengths and emphasizes a creepy sexiness that the Jonathan Fire Eater version only hinted at. I just love the girl’s singing on this song – she’s the best thing about the Kills by far.

Jonathan Fire Eater “The Search For Cherry Red” – It occurs to me now that given Jonathan Fire Eater’s relative obscurity (and the fact that all of their records are out-of-print), a majority of you may not be familiar with the song that The Kills covered. So here it is, one of the best songs by one of the most criminally underrated bands of the 90s.

Well Maybe Just A Half Drink More

George McCrea “I Get Lifted” – Oooh! Does anyone out there know if this song has been sampled? That opening groove is just begging to be looped and made into a hip hop song. This song has been sampled many times over. Top notch stuff. This is taken from Souljazz’s Miami Sound – Rare Funk and Soul from Miami 67-74 compilation.

Zooey Deschanel & Leon Redbone “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” – This comes to you via our friends at Antipopper, who have been posting some very interesting mp3s lately. This new version of the Christmas party classic was recently recorded for the soundtrack of Elf, and it’s just endlessly charming. Zooey Deschanel‘s singing voice is a revelation – this woman is quite simply living in the wrong era. Surely there must be a good old musical that can be remade for her to star in, right?

I Was Born Into Your Loving Arms

The Rapture “Sister Savior (DFA Vocal Mix)” – This new, almost guitar-free mix is taken from the brand new UK single. The full-on electro pop approach suits this song much better than the more rock-leaning arrangment from the Echoes LP. This new version sounds more confident and assured, whereas the album version seemed stuck in an uncomfortable halfway point between disco and punk, when it should have been a straight disco tune all along.

Jandek “I Went To Hell” – I hadn’t been keeping up on Jandek very much in 2003, and as it turns out, I missed FOUR Jandek records, and completely missed an entire phase in his long, strange career. It seems like only yesterday that I was feeling deeply creeped out by Worthless Recluse, the second of his three consecutive spoken word albums. After the third part of that trilogy, Jandek put out a couple of records which returned to his trademark guitar and harmonica, recalling the longer songs from his early albums like “First You Think Your Fortune’s Lovely” from Ready For The House.

“I Went To Hell” comes from Jandek’s newest record, The Gone Wait, on which Jandek’s pained voice is accompanied by thudding, arrhythmic and non-melodic bass, along with some occasional overdubs of his distinctive atonal guitar playing. I’ve never heard anything quite like this album (aside from maybe Jandek’s own Telegraph Melts-era recordings.) The rumbling bass on this recording seems random and arbitrary, but has a strange musicality to it. It is eerily remisiscent of the sounds that the furnace in my basement makes. It’s not hard to imagine this music as being the soundtrack to hell, actually.

Fasten Those Pants For The Lapdance

Scissor Sisters “Take Your Mama Out” – This is one of the three new Scissor Sisters songs which have leaked thanks to a promo EP containing songs from their forthcoming debut album on Polydor. Of the three new songs, “Take Your Mama Out” is the most surprising – it sounds like early Elton John doing a soul version of a Shania/country-pop kind of song. It probably sounds like it wouldn’t work in print, but it fits in rather well with their campy 70s pop aesthetic. Also available via our friends at Enthusiastic But Mediocre is an mp3 of the peculiar “Tits On The Radio.” There’s something vaguely creepy and unsettling about that song, particularly in the tempo and cadence of the female singer’s voice. It’s not far off from Beck’s “Get Real Paid,” but it’s far more sinister than sexy.

The Von Bondies “C’mon C’mon” – Though I cannot claim that this song has brought me to the same heights of ecstacy as it obviously has for others, I can say that I think this song is quite a lot of fun. Frankly, if this doesn’t become a hit in 2004, I will be very shocked. “C’mon C’mon,” like Blur’s “Song 2,” The White Stripes “Fell In Love With A Girl,” and The Hives “Hate To Say I Told You So” before it, is the kind of modern rock song that’s all about sweeping up the listener in its own momentum. The content of the song is almost totally irrelevant – it’s all about creating that ghost sensation of being pushed forwards at about a hundred miles per hour. It’s a rush; pop music as a theme park ride. (Or maybe x-treme sports, I don’t know. I’ve never really done anything very “x-treme” aside from drinking Gatorade. )

I See A Jolly Silhouette Of A Man

Dub Narcotic Sound System w/ Heather Dunn “Fuck Me Up” – I’m not sure what to make of the new Dub Narcotic album Degenerate Introduction. It’s a frustrating record, because while it has scattered moments of funky greatness, it rarely commits to any groove, and ends up being a record of songs that would clear most any good dancefloor. On the songs which do get a nice groove going, like “Blood Flow,” it’s just too anemic and slow to inspire any body movement other than some vague head nodding and half-hearted shoulder dancing. That’s such a shame, because I’d really love to have a powerful funk/dance song with lyrics that go “Cheney is a heartless corpse / Colin Powell is a corporate marionette wet dream.” It’s such a missed opportunity.

So many of these songs could reach greatness if only they lost some of their art-rock restlessness and sounded a bit more enthusiastic, like the best songs from previous Dub Narcotic releases. “Joint Joint” spends so much time meandering before finding a danceable groove that when they abandon it after only a few measures, it’s extremely frustrating. And then there’s the lyrics: “Are we searching for the perfect beat? Hell no! / We don’t need no perfection, just a knocking rhythm section” – it kind of says it all about the record. It’s as though they are willing to rest on their laurels simply because they do have a good rhythm section, and they aren’t interested in putting forth the effort to come up with something that would get a real, non-indie rock dance floor moving. Their new music is the victim of indie’s low expectations for dance music.

“Fuck Me Up” is a bit better than other songs on the record, but it still falls short. It’s part of what’s becoming a tradition on Dub Narcotic albums – adding female guest vocals to one of the best tunes on the record. The problem here is that unlike the charming vocal turn by Miranda July on “Out Of Your Mind,” or Lois Maffeo’s surprisingly soulful singing on the sublime “Ship To Shore,” “Fuck Me Up” is stuck with grating, tuneless vocals by the No No’s Heather Dunn. If only she put some effort into the vocals, or let someone else sing the part, this song could have been much more successful.

It’s not exactly a shocker to me that this album is being championed by the relentlessly borecore music writers of Free Williamsburg – this is exactly the kind of funk/dance music that would impress a group of critics who trash Outkast, The Rapture, and Jay-Z while rhapsodizing over some of the dullest indie rock committed to wax in the last year.

Pledge Drive w/ One Of Each “Christmas Rhapsody” – This is fascinating! It’s a note-for-note replica of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” with re-written Christmas-themed lyrics, performed with utter sincerity and considerable skill. This was sent to my by reader and Pledge Drive member Tim Walters, who also co-wrote the new lyrics. The degree to which this recording is both straight-faced and accurate is astounding. Highlight: “Kris Kringle, No!” “Do Not Give Him Coal!” “Give him coal!” “Do not give him coal!” “Give him coal!”

Also: Sasha Frere-Jones has a new mp3 of a previously unreleased song of his which you really ought to go download now from his blog while it is still available. It’s pretty great low-key funk instrumental with some fantastic keyboard bass sounds and percussion breaks, and he says there are some alternate versions with vocals which may be posted if reaction to this track is positive. Please let him know if you like it, because I’d really like to hear the Destiny’s Child mash-up version of this.