Observe And Analyze And Empirically Hypothesize

Colleen Green “Deeper Than Love”

What do you do when you want to experience love and have a serious partner, but are absolutely terrified of anything like actual intimacy? That’s the question of this song, which starts off with doubts about ever being “the marrying kind,” and then goes deeper and deeper until it reaches the root of the problem: an inability to trust other people and immense self-loathing.

This is a painfully honest song, and Colleen Green holds nothing back – it’s stark and cold and brutal, and it’s actually kinda scary to listen to it. She sings “I don’t wanna think about it, it’s too scary” in the first refrain, but that’s before she even gets to the really painful stuff. But she can’t stop thinking about it, and it’s just like those times when you can’t fall asleep and your mind just starts running through disaster scenarios and picking apart everything you hate about yourself. It’s a mental scab you can’t stop picking at.

The final verse is the one that really resonates for me. I hate how much I relate to that last verse. I’m kinda ashamed to admit this in public – I worry about you listening to it and then knowing a bit too much about my personal issues. But then, I think this song applies to sooooooo many people, including many people in long term relationships. It’s hard to connect with people in a deep and meaningful way, and almost impossible if you’re unwilling to let your guard down because you want to protect yourself, or protect other people from what you hate about yourself. I think a lot about letting go and letting other people in, but once that urge to keep people away gets entrenched in your mind, it starts to feel like a survival instinct. The real question of this song is basically – is it worth surviving to live like this?

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