Deep Down You Know I Wasn’t Fucking Around

Knife Skills “Our Summer of Teenage Lust” – Well, these people apparently had a much more exciting life as teenagers than I ever did. But somehow, it still rings very true to me, if just for details like “I skipped school just to ride in your car, listening to radio” are exactly the kind of mundane, potentially boring low-stakes rebellion that seems really exciting at that age if just because it breaks the routine of school. (Click here for Knife Skills’ official site.)

Mr. Lif “Long Distance” – It’s a sex rhyme, and a good one, but after all these years, it’s hard for a song like this to be particularly surprising. (Well, without being about male homosexuality, of course. A rap Brokeback would obviously be a big deal.) The sex rhyme is a classic hip hop archetype, and we can look at Mr. Lif’s lyrics and rate them against a wide range of similar songs by other rappers and go “well, it’s not as lewd as ____, or as misogynistic as _____, but the graphic descriptions of the sex acts are more creative than ______.” But can you even imagine the stars of other genres (especially white artists) doing something like this? I mean, songs that express sexuality are a dime a dozen, but can you imagine Paul McCartney or Thom Yorke singing unironically about exactly how they want to fuck you? It would be sort of mindblowing. Since Beck’s flirtations with the subgenre are PG-13 at best, and definitely laced with industrial-grade irony, the only high profile exceptions I can think of are “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails and “Flower” by Liz Phair, but it’s still not quite the same thing. (Click here for Mr. Lif’s official site.)

Sooooooooooooooooo. We’re going to have a little contest! I want you to come up with graphically sexual lyrics in the style of the indie/alternative icon of your choosing. Stephen Malkmus, Bono, Bob Pollard, Cat Power, Bjork, Billy Corgan, Sufjan Stevens, Eddie Vedder, Stuart Murdoch, Dan Bejar, Ian MacKaye – whoever you want. Just bring the raunch the way you think they would write it, and put it in the comments box for this post. (You should mention whose style you are aping along with the lyrics in the box – don’t make me guess.) A week from now, I’ll pick the one I like the most, and I’ll send an email to that person with a long list of promo cds, and they can pick five or six records from the list, and that’ll be the grand prize. Also, you can feel free to enter this contest more than once.

Update: Here’s the list of records up for grabs. I may add some more to this list later on.