Archive for 2004

2004: My Year In Movies

I feel as though I saw many more films from 2004 than what is on this list, but this is everything that I remember. I had a much better year with television by far, thanks to my buddies Tivo and Netflix. With the exception of Anchorman and possibly Eternal Sunshine, I doubt that any of these films will ever mean as much to me as the recent seasons of The Sopranos, The Office, Peep Show, Angel (I saw the entire series in 2004), Gilmore Girls, Six Feet Under, and especially Arrested Development.

Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy – Oh dear God, I love this movie. Much like The Big Lebowski, Anchorman has its own bizarre internal logic and a seemingly endless stream of hilarious, highly quotable dialogue. Will Ferrell co-wrote this film with director Adam “The H Is O” McKay, and as a result it is an undiluted, superconcentrated dose of the Ferrell aesthetic. The movie’s best gags are strange turns of phrase (“I’m in a glass case of emotion!”) and moments of extreme absurdity, such as the scene-stealing Steve Carell murdering another news man in a back alley brawl with a trident. An instant (cult) classic. – A+

Before Sunset – Though this is in fact a sequel to Before Sunrise, it works perfectly well as a stand alone film. In lesser hands, this could have been a pointless excercise in fan-fic, but this reunion of star-crossed lovers is significantly more interesting and insightful than the original. The movie plays out in real time, as Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke’s finely nuanced characters reconnect over the course of an hour before Hawke must leave to catch a plane. The conversation is intense but extremely naturalistic as it hits on big ideas and covers a range of emotions with effortless grace. – A

DiG! – Full review here. – B+

Dodgeball – Almost everyone involved can do better than this, and the concept could have been executed with more style and humor; but as far as disposable sports comedies go, this is fine enough. – C

Dogville – I’m not certain whether this film is simply overlong, or better viewed as a series of vignettes with substantial breaks between each chapter. Seen as a whole, Dogville is overwhelming, and its flaws and quirks become very grating after the first hour has passed. Nevertheless, the film has its own misanthropic charm. I saw this the same day that I saw Kill Bill Vol 2, which made for an interesting double bill given that both movies are about the intense suffering and eventual righteous, bloody vengeance of the female lead. B-

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – The story is as clever, thoughtful, and poetic as I would expect from a sci-fi romance by Charlie Kaufman, but what sticks with me the most is how Michel Gondry pulls it all off visually. The scenes taking place inside of Jim Carrey’s dissolving memories are brilliantly concieved and photographed, but the simpler scenes on the frozen lake, the snowy Montauk beach, and the LIRR train are among the most lovely and sublime in all of the cinema that I’ve ever seen. Kate Winslet (who has never looked more beautiful than in this film) is particularly excellent in her role, as is the uncharacteristically understated and sullen Jim Carrey. – A+

Fahrenheit 9/11 – I expected this to be sloppy and didactic, but it’s actually a much more coherant and restrained polemic than one might reasonably expect from Michael Moore. Obviously this wasn’t strong enough as a piece of propaganda to get Bush out of the White House, but how can you expect very many people outside of the Democratic base to pay $5-10 to see this? It’s not as though many left wing partisans would want to pay to watch The O’Reilly Factor at a multiplex. TV, newspapers, and radio are far better venues for propaganda. Nice try. – B-

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban -Thanks to director Alfonso Cuarón, this is the most aesthetically successful film in the Potter series to date, though it is marred by structural flaws inherant to JK Rowling’s original text. The movie is full of great moments and some impressive visuals, so I can forgive its plot holes and anticlimactic ending. Bonus points are awarded for an increase in screen time for the series’ best character, Hermione Granger. – B+

I Heart Huckabees – Without question, I Heart Huckabees is the most unfairly reviewed film of 2004, with most of the negative reaction being the result of a kneejerk anti-intellectualism that either missed its point entirely or begrudged the film for even having one. I find it particularly odd that anyone would accuse this film of being smug, since I find it to be remarkably compassionate, at least much more so than most other contemporary satires. The comedy is very sharp, and the film is full of surprisingly great performances from actors I don’t normally like. Naomi Watts is especially great, which suggests that she has been wasting too much time screaming and crying in shameless Oscar bait when she ought to be doing more comedy. – A

The Incredibles – A fine film, though it is vastly overrated by critics beaten down by the onslaught of painfully awful “family entertainment” movies. I normally dislike digital animation, but the design and direction is generally strong enough for me to forgive the parts that look like a video game. The writing and acting is well above par for an animated feature, though the jokes are a bit stale if you’re like me and have been reading postmodern superhero comics since you were eight years old. It’s impossible for me to say anything nice about this movie without sounding as though I’m damning it with faint praise, but it is definitely worthwhile. – B

Jandek On Corwood – Such a disappointment! The Jandek story is quite fascinating, but it is much better suited to print media. The majority of the film is repetitive and pendantic, featuring a steady stream of mostly insufferably pretentious fringe music critics explaining to the viewer what Jandek’s music sounds like while Jandek’s music plays in the background. Almost no one in the film has anything particularly interesting or insightful to say, and were it not for the inclusion of a recording of the only known Jandek interview, it would come off like an avant garde version of a fluffy E! celebrity profile. But hey, at least Douglas is in it, and that’s kinda cool. – C+

Kill Bill Vol. 2 – I am very grateful that Quentin Tarantino split Kill Bill into two distinct films, mostly because I appreciate that the first film is nothing but undiluted, ridiculous violence. I appreciate the greater depth and humanity of the second film, but if it were edited into one big movie, the material from Vol 2 would have dragged down the fun bits considerably. I will probably always prefer the stylistic excesses of Vol 1, but there is very little that I don’t like about this movie. – A

The Ladykillers – Totally forgettable. In fact, I barely remember any of it and am mildy surprised that I went to see it at all. Not awful, but completely inessential, even to hardcore fans of the Coen brothers. – C

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou – I feel as though I need to catch this one again, as my first viewing was probably spoiled by the weight of enormous expectations and a generally weird mood on my part on the day that I saw it. My friend believes that The Life Aquatic will inevitably be considered Wes Anderson’s best work by his hardcore fans in the future, similar to how Wowee Zowee is so beloved by diehard Pavement fans like myself because that album is the purest essence of the band’s aesthetic. He’s probably right. If you’re into Anderson’s style, you will find plenty to love about this film, even if it lacks the heart and soul of Tenenbaums and Rushmore. When I saw the film, I was let down because the emotional moments did not resonate enough for me, and because I was not nearly as engaged by this set of characters (well, except for Jeff Goldblum’s “part-gay” Alistair Hennessey) as I was by Max Fischer or the Tenenbaum clan, but an observation made by another friend of mine makes me want to disregard all of that when I see the film for the second time. He says that the film’s key exchange is when Cate Blanchett’s character tells Bill Murray’s Steve Zissou that her fetal child will be 11 and a half in 12 years, to which he replies, “that’s my favorite age.” My friend’s point is that all of the emotional moments in the movie are like a sensitive 12-year-old’s idea of an emotional moment. I get the feeling that he understood this film far better than I did. – B+

Mean Girls – This movie is the entire reason why I have any good will for Lindsay Lohan. Mean Girls has its flaws, but Tina Fey’s script is a funnier, less hateful version of Heathers, which is exactly what this new generation of teenagers deserves. – B

Meet The Fockers – Occasionally amusing, but mostly quite embarassing. Nearly every joke from Meet The Parents is recycled in the most tasteless way possible, and every punchline is telegraphed well in advance. A terrible recurring joke about a baby who can only utter the word “asshole” is beaten into the ground, as though the producers were deseperate to score a catchphrase for merchandising. Barbra Streisand and Dustin Hoffman commit to their thin roles admirably, but their talents are entirely wasted here. C-

Metallica: Some Kind Of Monster – At its best, Some Kind Of Monster is like a hilarious, real life version of This Is Spinal Tap full of bizarre, too-good-to-be-true moments and mind boggling dialogue. I would have been satisfied if the documentary only made the band look ridiculous, but there are moments throughout the film that make me feel genuine sympathy for Metallica for the first time in my life. The movie is about an hour too long, but I was never bored. B+

Napoleon Dynamite – Amusing, but soulless. It was rather like bad fast food – reasonably tasty during consumption, but it doesn’t digest well and leaves an unpleasant aftertaste. Most of my favorite contemporary comedy (Peep Show, The Office, The Best Show On WFMU, Arrested Development) finds humor in sympathetic portrayals of loathesome characters, whereas Napoleon Dynamite gets its cheap laughs at the expense of its harmless, clueless cast of rubes. The movie can be funny, but it’s all bully humor. If you like to pick on misfits, minorities, the poor, and the handicapped, then this is the movie for you. – C+

Nausea II – Though its pacing is occasionally clumsy and its production values are roughly on the same level of the hardcore porn that it spoofs, Guy Richards Smit’s Maxi Geil rock opera is one of the sharpest, funniest art films that you’ll probably never get to see. As many of you are already aware, the music in the movie is top notch, especially the showstopping “Please Remember Me.” The story is a cutting satire of the contemporary art world, but it is entirely unnecessary to be invested in that scene to enjoy Nausea II’s droll wit and spectacular low budget set pieces. – A-

The Perfect Score – Formulaic and aggressively dumb, but what would you expect? I’m not quite sure what Scarlett Johansson was doing slumming in a movie like this, but I suppose that we all have to pay our bills somehow. The only memorable performance in this movie is by Asian stoner dude Leonardo Nam, who delivers every funny-on-purpose line of dialogue in the film, including a bizarre riff about the lizard guy from Mortal Kombat. – C-

The Saddest Music in the World – I wanted to like this film more than I do because of the praise for it written by some of my friends, but ultimately I find that I admire its visual style, ideas, and witty dialogue far more than I actually enjoyed it. Nevertheless, there is a great deal of brilliance on display in this film, even if I was not fully engaged. I read something (I can’t remember where…) recently that suggested that this was like the cinematic equivalent of the WFMU aesthetic, and that seems about right, at least in terms of the brand identity that the station has created over the years. – A-

Saved! – Very underrated and subversive. Those of you who complain about its familiar teen movie narrative structure are missing the point enormously. If this film was even remotely arty, it would turn off the people who need this movie the most – average American teens who have been raised in very mainstream Christian homes and have not fully made up their own minds about their faith. I don’t think that this film is judgemental of faith, only of zealotry. It’s remarkably compassionate and very funny. – A

Sideways – This is Alexander Payne’s best picture to date, which is saying quite a lot given his brief but uniformly excellent filmography. At this point, I thought that I was completely burned out on the “sad sack character sketch” subgenre, but Payne and Paul Giamatti bring a great deal of empathy and humor to the lead character, a failed novelist divorcee who blurs the line between wine connoisseur and wino. I’ve noticed a lot of buzz about Virginia Madsen’s supporting role, but I wasn’t nearly as impressed by her as I was by Thomas Hayden Church, who is a revelation as Giamatti’s party dude foil. – A

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow – In a better world, a Fantastic Four movie would be shot using similar special effects. Strictly in terms of visuals, this is my favorite film of the year. The story is good fun, though its fetishization of serials, comic books, and pulp leaves little room for subtext. Impressive work for a first time writer/director, though Kerry Conran would be wise to collaborate with a proper writer in the future unless he aims on becoming his generation’s answer to post-Return Of The Jedi George Lucas. – B

Spider-Man 2 – I imagine that much of the “best superhero movie ever!!!” hype around this movie is mostly due to it not sucking even though it’s a sequel to a massive hit. Sensibly, the second film in the series doesn’t stray very far from the winning formula of its predecessor (basically: be as reverential to the spirit of Stan Lee/Steve Ditko comics as possible), but I think that Spider-Man is a much better character when his lighthearted wit is emphasized rather than his hard luck. I hope that Spider-Man 3 is a lot less emo than this. – B

Starsky & Hutch – Another enjoyable but totally forgettable mainstream comedy. Not a bad way to kill time, but nothing special. Obvs, I’ll see most anything featuring Owen Wilson. C+

Word Wars – It is somewhat difficult for me not to think of this film as being like a poor man’s Spellbound. The structure is almost identical – the first half of the documentary shows us the daily lives of a selection of hardcore Scrabble enthusiasts, and the second half shows them in action at a national Scrabble tournament. The subjects of the film are mostly depressing loner types who have some measure of quirky charm, but clearly not enough so that I can remember many details about them several months after seeing the movie. – B

Fish Out Your Placenta and Pop It In a Blender

Salt 5 “Get Up! Rapper” – I honestly can’t recall which song introduced me to the wonders of J-Pop, but I would like to find out so that I might shake its antropomorphized hand. In terms of providing the purest mainlines of sugary-sweet pop ever, it’s very hard to trump the Japanese. Salt 5, rather than being a pop group unto themselves, is made up of members from various groups that operate under the larger Hello! Project banner (which also consists of pop giants such as Minimoni and Morning Musume).

At least, these are the facts as I understand them. The main hinderances of delving deeply into J-Pop, for those of us who live smack dab in the middle of the non-metropolitan US, are the language barrier and lack of domestic availability. The better P2P programs can circumvent the latter problem, but an inability to distinguish kanji from katakana will keep the avid English-speaking fan from learning much about J-Pop via the mostly Japanese fan sites. I would posit, however, that the biggest obstacle that this music faces in finding widespread popularity even among the newly pop-friendly enclaves of the underground is that so much of it is pop turned to 11. “Get Up! Rapper” is a mild Splenda kick compared to the hyperactive sugar rush of, say, “Minihamuzu no Ai no Uta” by Minimoni. Which, as I’ve come to discover, is maybe just a little too sweet for the uninitiated. But if this sounds like your cup of Jolt, I can’t recommend further J-Pop exploration highly enough.

Bumblebeez 81 “Microphone Diseases” – Bumblebeez 81 (or simply Bumblebeez, as they’re known in their native Australia) have made an appearance on Fluxblog before, months before the release of their Printz album (a collection of two prior EPs) in the US. Since that time, a video for one of the weaker songs on the album (“Pony Ride”) has aired on television and, between negative reaction to the video (which led many to erroneously dub the ‘Beez as nothing more than a cut-rate Beck clone) and album reviews that mostly range from mediocre to awful, it would seem to the casual observer that the band could easily be written off as a dud.

Which is why I was happy to see that Anthony Miccio (a former Fluxblog guest writer) gave the album a positive review in Stylus and put it high in his 2004 Pazz & Jop poll. It makes a body feel just a little less crazy when there’s another guy who’s seeing the same shit.

So, yeah: I’d put Printz pretty high up on my list of albums from the past year. And I’d put “Microphone Diseases” even higher on my list of songs of the year. I played it almost weekly on my college radio show from the time I first discovered it and never got tired of hearing it. Like the album as a whole, it’s an admittedly derivative and slightly amateurish affair, filled with ramshackle beats, bratty, tossed-off rhymes, and a boundless, energetic sense of fun. Which is pretty much the criteria that most of the bad reviews I read used to warn away listeners. In my world, that’s practically the formula for good times. (Click here to buy it from Amazon)

Deric Holloway maintains the visuals for Fluxblog. He is currently an art student and hopes to put his training to work in making Fluxblog a feast for the eyes as well as the ears. Tron In Morocco is his fledgling music blog.

Where Shall I Send Thee?

Kelly Pace, Aaron Brown, Joe Green, Paul Hayes, and Matthew Johnson “Holy Babe” – This is a bit late for Christmas, I know, but since this song is less about the holiday and more about the actual Nativity, it doesn’t have an implied expiration date like most modern secular Christmas tunes. I’m no musicologist, so I have no idea if this song predates “The Twelve Days Of Christmas” (my guess is that it does not), but it follows a similar lyrical structure. That’s where the similarities end, though – it’s hard to imagine anyone performing “The Twelve Days Of Christmas” with as much soul and jaunty charm. This was recorded in 1939 on a farm in Gould, Arkansas and was recently unearthed and reissued on the excellent Where Will You Be Christmas Day? compilation. (Click here to buy it from Dust-to-Digital.)

Ron Rogers “Yaya” – Like any good celebration of the id, the lyrics of this song are deeply ridiculous and full of silly nonsequitors (I really do hope that I get to slip the phrase “let’s change the subject and talk about whiskey!” into a real conversation someday) while the music takes the business of revelry and hedonism very seriously, as though it were some kind of divine mandate. (Click here to buy it from Ze Records.)

Elsewhere: As part of his nearly complete analysis of The Fiery Furnaces’ Blueberry Boat, Eppy at Clap Clap Blog has recut the album into what he believes to be the proper chronological order of the lyrics and has posted the whole thing as mp3s here. If you haven’t already read through his essays about each of the songs and have a bit of time on your hands, I highly recommend that you do so, since his annotation and analysis are very helpful tools in making some sense of the album’s labyrinthian structure and many obscure lyrical references. His recent entry for “Mason City” is particularly useful, since it decodes the seemingly unknowable third section of the song.

Overdosing On Reality

Harry “Tastes Like Kisses” – Harry wants to be a rock star. She wants it so much and so badly that desperation practically oozes from every record she pushes onto the market by way of A&R exec ‘favours’ and slots supporting Crazy Town in 2001. I can almost imagine her as a child, wishing upon that falling star, gazing from a poetically steamed window saying, “One day, I’m going to be famous. I’ll sell millions of records and travel the world and fuck rock bands.”

One out of four ain’t bad.

Brazenly masterful in its utter irrelevance, the song snatches the underlying synth signature from Peaches ‘Set It Off’ and layers on the heavy electrics and languid wistfulness. The entire track is a peripheral orbit of laboured rhyming patterns and lyrics that are simply laughable (“We lie like lovers and break like sinners/ Hate like Hitlers”), yet combined with the sheer wanting that soars through each aching verse, and that hypnotically repetitive bridge, and oh, how I’m transfixed.

For all that, it’s the sheer desperation that compels my pity and admiration. ‘Tastes Like Kisses’ is that sluttish girl who rolls up her pleated skirt with one hand, revealing only pasty flesh and shaving cuts (the other never pauses as she stuffs over-salted crisps towards darkly-lined lips); her dark bra too-tight under the school blouse so that flesh bulges in bands across her back. It’s that look of numb desperation in the eyes of an underage girl in the 2am club, as a skin-head fifteen years too old gropes her lycra-clad buttocks in a sickening grind.

Something’s just not right, but I can’t look away because the horror and beauty of the lengths people will go to just compels me to watch with complete awe. (Click here to visit the official Harry website.)

Holly Valance “Down Boy” – Why Miss Valance, what languidly seductive offering is this? So breathlessly musing, so sensually vibrant. Oh, how you exude the smoky-kohled eyes and artfully draped posture of a true pop minx!

We British have a strange love affair with a certain breed of Australian poplets. Having spent our early evenings watching the sweet girl next door/feisty mechanic go through their first loves and losses in the perpetual ‘Neighbours’ soap sunshine, we’re only too happy to welcome them into our charts to grin inanely at tumble-dried Saturday morning hosts. But alas! Fickle are we also, and thus pretenders to the original Ms Minogue’s throne eventually recede into the murky waters of anonymity (or, in Natalie Imbruglia’s godforsaken case, dating Lenny Kravitz. Serves her right for ‘White Lily Island’.)

And so, while Holly may presently be hawking collect call services with all the style of a third runner-up Miss Skegness contestant, her brief and stunning musical forays shall forever live on in the devoted pop memory. From the opening stutter – half chord/half beat – and sinuous breathy drawl, I am enrapt. Her verse intro is coquettishly mused, as if she can barely spare the energy from all that lounging on silk sheets in a tangle of limbs. The whispered line echo builds with staccato electronics, and oh, the chorus! Devastatingly understated, hypnotically repetitive.

This girl is writhing on her pedestal with all the careful abandon of one who knows precisely the power she wields. (Click here to buy it from Amazon UK.)

Abby McDonald blogs her sarcastically devoted pop musings at Poptext

Space Is The Place

Les Baxter and His Orchestra “Moon Moods” – I’ve always loved lounge music, which probably has more to do with growing up around jazz and showtunes than in any conscious anti-rock rebellion or nostalgia for a conservative age (explanations bandied about at the height of the mid-nineties lounge revival). One of the things that fascinates me about exotica specifically, though — besides the fact that it’s just plain weirder than Dean Martin or Julie London or anyone else on the Swingers soundtrack — is that it’s so deliberately functional. It’s designed purely as “mood music” and aims to transport its listener to faraway lands not through recordings of actual ethnic musicians but through familiar signifiers of “the exotic” grafted onto pleasant, effervescent cocktail tunes. You want to evoke Africa? Cue bongos and have a couple guys holler like natives.

Les Baxter, who I first discovered through a friend who wrote a high-school zine called “Exotica and Boxing” (recto: profile of Yma Sumac, verso: profile of Sugar Ray Leonard), is by most accounts the granddaddy of exotica, although his most famous composition, “Quiet Village” (1959), was made popular through a recording by Martin Denny. “Moon Moods,” on the other hand, was written in 1947 by Harry Revel and only arranged and conducted by Baxter, but it’s very much in line with Baxter’s later work.

From the opening swoop of the wordless, mixed-gender choir (the kind you only hear nowadays in radio ads for car dealers or jewellers) signaling mankind’s optimism about the coming space age, the piece then shuffles its lush melodies between a hepped-up Django Reinhardt-esque guitar, lazy French horn, excitable vibes, and — standing in for the cold and lonely cry of the moon — an eerie theremin. The recording is early enough and was popular enough that it may have been some Americans’ first exposure to the instrument, apart from the 1945 film scores to Spellbound and Lost Weekend. Without a doubt, it’s one of the first exotica recordings period. An early review of the record it appears on (Music Out of the Moon, originally released on 78 rpm) stated: “The music has character and meaning, and once the public becomes familiar with the unusual mode and structure, it is certain a demand for this fare will sprout.” (Click here to buy it from Amazon.)

Holger Czukay “Cool in the Pool” – This 1979 recording by the founder of Can uses many of the same elements as “Moon Moods” — nonsense syllables, wobbly horns, and tricky jazz guitar licks — to exhibit a different sort of futurism: music as melting pot. It’s this intention, along with the song’s lite Afro-funk, that also aligns it with David Byrne and Brian Eno’s 1981 project My Life with the Bush of Ghosts. As sampling in general was becoming more prevalent through hip-hop breaks, Czukay and Byrne/Eno pioneered the idea of peppering already-built grooves with short snippets of other recordings — shortwave radio broadcasts, film clips, scratchy opera records — a trend that can be traced forward to artists like Beck and the Books, among hundreds. What ultimately distinguishes “Cool in the Pool” from Ghosts, however, or even the other tracks on Czukay’s Movies, is how goddamn funny it is. Throughout much of the song, Czukay coos in a breathy German accent lines like, “Let’s get hot / On the dancing spot / Hot / Ooh, is it hot? / Wow, man / Then let’s get cool in the pool.” As he sighs over an ice cream soda, klezmer saxes explode like circus fireworks, then quickly drop out. Cartoon sound effects sparkle and dissolve. Dogs bark. In both songs I’ve chosen, part of what I’m responding to is an element of sublime ridiculousness, which I think is an underrated quality when it comes to music. I like songs that make me cry as much as the next person, but I also love songs that knock me out with the absolute beauty of their absurdity. (Click here to buy it and here to visit Holger Czukay’s personal website.)

Bonus shout-out to my favorite 2004 single, unsigned band category: Velvetron’s “Snooze Bar” shimmers like fellow Chicagoans the Sea and Cake at a late-summer beach picnic. (Click here to visit the official Velvetron website.)

John Cunningham writes the blogs Seaworthy Southeast Thesaurus & Shouting The Poetic Truths Of High School Journal Keepers and plays keyboard in the band Canasta.

There’s Nothing As Sublime

August Darnell “Christmas On Riverside Drive” – Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, I hope that you all have a pleasant weekend. Consider this to be my holiday gift to you – a joyous disco ode to Manhattan at Christmastime, circa 1981. (Click here to buy it from Ze Records.)

After A Dramatic Pause, He Says “My Name Is Santa Claus”

Justus Köhncke “Wo Bist Du” – It seems that without exception, the schaffel that I enjoy the most is always the very fruity quasi lite-FM stuff. This is probably the fruitiest bit of schaffel yet, even beating out Köhncke and Meloboy’s “Frei/Hot Love” from the Kompakt 100 compilation. (Click here to pre-order it from Kompakt.)

Eyeball Skeleton “Santa’s On The Run” – This seems to be reaching a bit too aggressively for the left field novelty Christmas record brass ring, but it’s all in good fun. Basically, this is a couple silly kids and their dad doing a very catchy little song about a fugitive Santa Claus, complete with a few baffling echo-heavy interludes that sound as though one of the children is singing from the bottom of a well. (Click here for more from Eyeball Skeleton.)

At Least Your Breasts Cost More Than Hers

Amy Winehouse “Fuck Me Pumps (Mylo Mix)” – This is a scathing little character sketch full of intergender contempt, with only a tiny bit of empathy in the form of condescending pity. If you’ve got any impulse for cattiness, this is the song for you. It’s practically the musical equivalent of Gawker and Go Fug Yourself. Holiday bonus points are awarded for sounding as though it’s going to break into “Winter Wonderland” just before the chorus. (Click here to buy it from Amazon.)

Pas/Cal “Last Christmas” – Christmas song, or love letter to Protools? You be the judge. Pas/Cal cover the other George Michael’s* Christmas hit arranged with a taste for excess that stops just short of bringing in a digital children’s choir. (Click here to buy it from Darla.)

* Y’know, the singer/songwriter.

You’ve Been Drafted By The United States

El-P & Ghostface “Hide Your Face (Remix)” – This is yet to be released, but this inspired team-up feels like some kind of wonderful holiday gift to us all from the hip hop gods above. Ghostface brings out the very best in El-P, who holds his own with Ghost on his verses and delivers an excellent track built around a filthy funk guitar riff. Like the best songs off of Supreme Clientele, this song feels indestructable and extraordinarily confident; sort of like a superhero doing a pimp strut.

Mia Doi Todd “Casa Nova” – If I didn’t like this song, it would be very easy to mock it. “Stuffy folk girl goes on an island cruise!,” etc. But the song works, and the tension between Todd’s austere folkie aesthetic and the mellow ska horns results in something quite pleasant and unexpected. The production on Todd’s record is amazingly crisp and clean, enough so that I think I’ll be using it for reference the next time I go shopping for stereo speakers. (Click here to visit Mia Doi Todd’s official website.)

Elsewhere: Newish mp3 blog Popadopolis has the album version of M.I.A.’s “Bingo.” It’s really great, though it’s somewhat difficult to divorce this song from the “Big Pimpin'” beat in my mind.

And: Pitchfork’s Top 50 Singles Of The Year is probably the best year end list that you’re going to see in any high profile publication this season. Not only does it have Annie’s “Heartbeat” at #1, but it features several artists and songs that have been featured on this site over the past year.

The People That You Meet Want To Open You Up Like Christmas

Scissor Sisters @ Hammerstein Ballroom 12/19/2004

Laura / Better Luck / Lovers In The Backseat / Tits On The Radio / The Skins / Magnifique / Rock My Spot (Crevice Canyon) / Mary / Comfortably Numb / Filthy/Gorgeous / Return To Oz // It Can’t Come Quickly Enough / Take Me Out / Take Your Mama / Music Is The Victim

Scissor Sisters “Magnifique (Live In Brighton)” – I don’t think that I’ve ever been in a better audience than the one for this Scissor Sisters show. Even up in the mezzanine, I was surrounded by enthusiastic, unselfconcious dance-happy people. Pretty much everybody in the house was dancing for “Comfortably Numb” and “Filthy/Gorgeous.” I’ve never seen an entire floor at a rock show move like that – it was very inspiring. Of course, this was a crowd who had been dancing right through VHS Or Beta (who were good, but sounded maybe a bit too much like old Cure dance remixes) and the between set DJs (who were fucking amazing, by the way) and were obviously waiting the whole night for those two songs to come on.

The Scissor Sisters totally deserved this audience – they gave exactly as good as they got. They were even tighter and more fabulous than they were when I last saw them waaaay back in January, with a level of showmanship rivaled by few others in the business. The show ended with an incredible spectacle – the stage filled with a dozen crazy dancers in costumes ranging from a human Christmas gift to topless reindeer-headed go-go dancers. As the song concluded, Jake Shears (dressed in silver tights like some kind of snow pixie) was being humped by a guy in a Santa Claus suit. I wish that I had some pictures of this. Either way, you kinda had to be there. (Click here to pre-order the live DVD from the Scissor Sisters official site.)

Tom Scharpling & Andy Earles “The Depressed Office Worker & The Christmas Party” – From the lofty heights of ecstacy we move on to the deepest, darkest depths of despair, as a caller tells Tom all about his miserable holiday season, including an anecdote about the most horrific (and hilarious) “Secret Santa” office Christmas party of all time. (Click here to visit the Best Show On WFMU website or here for Andy Earles’ site.)

Baked Into Pies For The King’s Winter Festival

Stratagème “James Vs. The Reds” – Perhaps I have been conditioned by the past two years of screening through dozens of recordings by electronic-punk bands to expect oppressive monochromatic arrangements, but the most immediately satisfying thing about Stratagème’s debut EP Recession is that the songs all have unconventional structures that actually surprised me without seeming illogical or jarring. The band is clearly in love with texture, playfully adding in new sounds whenever the songs seem to be moving in a predictable path. There’s a great sense of movement and space in their compositions, as though they intend for sections of their songs to feel like distinct places. The vocals are very much of the “shouting poetic truths of high school journal keepers” school of punk singing, so I find it especially amusing that the lead singer is actually a high school student and that one of their upcoming shows will be at a school fundraiser. (Click here to buy it from Judah Records and here to visit the Stratagème website.)

Ed Shepp “The Christmas Story” – Nevermind what you’ve read in the Bible or have seen on tv. Ed Shepp tells the story of the first Christmas as it truly happened, and along the way explains the origins of Christmas iconography such as Christmas trees, candy canes, and flying reindeer. (Click here to visit the Ed Shepp website.)

It’s A Soldier’s Job To Die

Society Of Rockets “O Sing, Transformer” – The Society Of Rockets were once the Shimmer Kids Underpop Association, a band that I believe to the best neo-psychedelic band of the last decade, Elephant 6 be damned. The Shimmer Kids’ sound was characterized by their lo-fi kitchen-sink maximalism, which often resulted in songs so jam-packed with sonic detail that the arrangements melted together into an appealing soft-focus blur of buzzes and whirs. It suited their aesthetic very well, what with their lyrical and visual obsession with low budget sci fi, vintage comic books, neglected histories and cultural detritus.

The Society Of Rockets’ debut album Sunset Homes is still indentifiable as the work of band leader Joshua Babcock, but the music is obviously different from the Shimmer Kids, and would not have made much sense if released under the old name. The new songs are stark and minimal, with a distinct singer-songwriter vibe. Whereas the Shimmer Kids often went for a grandiose, epic sound, it’s pretty clear that this album is meant to be small and intimate. “O Sing, Transformer” is a melancholy wartime hymn which bridges the gap between the two bands, combining the spacey sound effects of the Shimmer Kids with the crisp, unaffected production style of the Society. (Click here to buy it from Parasol and here for the official Society Of Rockets/Shimmer Kids website.)

Zooey Deschanel & Leon Redbone “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” – I’ve been getting a lot of requests and Google hits searching for this song lately, so here it is once again for everyone who missed it last year. This rendition of the Christmas party classic was recorded for the soundtrack of the Will Ferrell vehicle Elf, and features the rather impressive and charming vocals of actress Zooey Deschanel, a woman who obviously was born into the wrong era. (Click here to buy it from Amazon.)

Ground Control Is Excited



Elephant Man “Yuh Nuh Badmind” – Every day, I filter though hundreds of songs with the hope that I might find something as gloriously weird and intensely fun as this Elephant Man track. Basically, this is a bunch of highly energetic dancehall guys making a joyful noise over an interpolated version of Kenny Loggins’ “Footloose.” It’s a strange, improbable combination, but it works far better than anyone could ever reasonably expect. The best elements of Loggins’ song are reinterpreted and amped up with superhuman enthusiasm, making the bridge leading up to the chorus sound like some kind of musical ramp to heaven. The fact that the lyrics to this are almost entirely incomprehensible to me only makes this better. Words would probably only get in the way. (Click here to buy it.)



(Please note that by posting this song, I do not in any way endorse Elephant Man as a human being. I decided a long time ago not to avoid posting music by people who do or say reprehensible things – it would eliminate a lot of music from possible inclusion. I’m not going to pretend that great music in a genre dominated by homophobes and misogynists does not exist. I stand by this Elephant Man song as a piece of music, even if I think that he’s an awful man.)

La Bionda “I Wanna Be Your Lover” – A lonely astronaut aboard a spaceship in the early 80s receives a strange alien transmission – a girl singing to him over and over, “I wanna be your lover, not just be your friend.” At first, he is terrified, but eventually he meets the slimy blue and green space creature and falls in love with her over the fade out. Awwwwwwwwww. So sweet. Also sweet: those wonderful vintage keyboard textures. (Click here to buy it.)

A Big Big Love

Pixies @ Hammerstein Ballroom 12/13/2004

Is She Weird? / Something Against You / …. / Bone Machine / Cactus / I Bleed / Caribou / No. 13 Baby / Broken Face / U-Mass / Mr. Grieves / Dead / Hey / Velouria / Ed Is Dead / Gouge Away / Wave Of Mutilation / Monkey Gone To Heaven / Crackity Jones / Isla De Encanta / Tame / In Heaven / Wave Of Mutilation (UK Surf) / Here Comes Your Man / The Holiday Song / Nimrod’s Son / Vamos / Where Is My Mind? // Debaser / Gigantic

There’s not a lot to say, actually. They were the Pixies, and it was exactly as good as I’d always hoped it would be. The set was just about perfect; the only song in their current rotation that I had hoped for and was not played was “Planet Of Sound.” But you know, I got to see them play “Is She Weird?” and “I Bleed,” so I can’t possibly complain. I was anticipating a pretty wild crowd, but the audience was actually fairly sedate. Most people were very enthusiastic, but reservedly so. There were a few people around me who seemed strangely poker-faced and emotionless, which I can’t possibly comprehend. How do you not at least crack a smile when the Pixies are right in front of you playing “Here Comes Your Man”? This one guy near me seemed almost as if he was there under duress.

In case you were wondering, the elipses in the setlist indicate the band leaving the stage for a few minutes because the monitors were not set up properly.

Tom Scharpling & Jon Wurster “Philly Boy Roy’s ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas'” – Best Show On WFMU regular caller Philly Boy Roy Ziegler checks in with Tom on Christmas Eve and treats him to his own “Philly-style” version of ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas. It’s a Ziegler family tradition, though the names change every year because there’s always a new superstar in Philadelphia, unlike New York and New Jersey. (Click here to visit the official Scharpling & Wurster site or here for the Best Show On WFMU site.

You’ll Never Get To Heaven With Your Shirt All Torn

The Kills “At The Back Of The Shell” – This is pretty much exactly what I wanted from a new record by The Kills. They’ve toned down the faux-70s rock sleaze and indulged in their fondness for tense, stark rhythms and sexy come-ons. It’s getting harder to confuse them with Royal Trux, and easier to accept them as being something far greater than fodder for glossy magazine pictorials. And oh God, I love the sound of this girl’s voice. (Click here to visit the official Kills site.)

i-Wolf & Burdy “Urban Gypsy” – Marvel Comics used to publish a series called What If…? in which a huge bald guy called Uatu The Watcher (no, not that kind of Watcher) was charged with observing the Earth and sworn never to interfere with the events taking place on the planet (though he routinely broke this vow in the pages of the Fantastic Four). Every month, Uatu presented an alternate version of the Marvel Universe in which a turn of events from regular continuity had gone differently and resulted in, almost invariably, a horrific nightmare world where everything had gone terribly wrong. I loved this comic as a kid, in part because it helped me develop a better understanding of the mythology of the Marvel Universe, but mostly because it was such a downer. I absolutely loved (and still do, actually) seeing heroes suffer in fiction, which I’m now certain is a direct result of seeing The Empire Strikes Back as a toddler. Even as a child, I seemed to recognize that villains win more often than not, and that good people usually have to struggle to earn just a tiny bit of justice. I think that another part of the series’ appeal was that it only ever offered the endings to stories, whereas every other monthly comic book series is forever trapped in the middle of a seemingly infinite ongoing storyline.

Anyway, I’m way off track here. I was only invoking this old comic book series to suggest that this song sounds like it could be the (non-horrific) answer to the question “What if…Boney M had collaborated with Primal Scream circa XTRMNTR?” (Click here to buy it from Juno.)

When You’re Done, Just Give Me A Call

Sugar Minott “Love And Understanding” – When I hear this song, my mind is flooded with images of Brooklyn at night. Montague street, covered in snow and lit by streetlights. Fulton Street Mall, over to Borough Hall and down Court Street; the pavement slightly wet and reflecting colored lights from the storefronts. The view of the Manhattan Bridge from Washington and Front Street. Dots of car lights skimming along the Brooklyn Bridge as seen from the common space of my old apartment. All of this is lovely but totally inexplicable. I never heard this song before this week, and I wasn’t exactly listening to a lot of reggae when I lived in that area. (I was, however, listening to a lot of downbeat hip hop and a smattering of dub, so that’s some kind of explanation.) Ultimately, I don’t think that there really is any one specific thing about this song triggering all of these vivid visual memories. I suppose that I just associate mellow, bass-heavy music in general with a sort of late night urban serenity by default. (Click here to buy it from Soul Jazz Records.)

Lo-Fi-FNK “A.D.T.” – Maybe I’m getting crazy, but I’m fairly certain that this sound would sound best if played at a disco on a cruise ship, with everything lit by pastel neon lights. I am so certain of this that I wonder if on some level, it is what Lo-Fi-FNK had in mind when they wrote the song. Much like “Unighted,” this has a light, clean, cheerful quality to it, and a bassline that I’m dying to hear on something other than my cheesy headphones and weak computer speakers. (Click here to visit the official Lo-Fi-FNK site.)

The Army Had Half A Day

Chin Up, Chin Up “Virginia, Don’t Drown” – This song seems to simulate the effect of listening to mid-period Cure after spending half an hour going around and around on a sit-and-spin. After about three minutes of twirly, shimmering guitars and half-whispered, semi-intelligable vocals, the song kicks into an outro hook that sounds as though it is angling to make it onto the soundtrack of an episode of The OC. (Preferably the inevitable episode in which Seth and Summer get back together.) (Click here to buy it from Insound.)

The Long Blondes “Polly” – Clearly, this band has a thing for Grease. If you were planning on throwing one of those faux-prom parties, this would be an ideal pick for the slow dance. It’s always a bit sad when someone writes a perfect song in a genre a few decades too late to get a proper hit out of it. (Click here to buy it from Rough Trade.)

Also: I have one extra ticket for the Pixies show on Monday. If you’re interested, send me an email. I’ll take the best offer. I imagine that the market for Pixies tickets in NYC is a bit saturated at this point, so feel free to lowball me at first, but understand that Cashy McHugewallets will beat out your offer if he comes a-callin’.

I Can Give You What You Want

Jerry Nutter “The Twelve Days Of Christmas” – In this adaptation of the holiday standard, sound artist Jerry Nutter replaces the usual french hens, maids-a-milking and fiiiiiiiiiive gooooooooooolden riiiiiiiiiiings with an announcer shilling products from some vintage radio broadcast. (ie, “A three year supply of Libby’s frozen fruits and vegetables!”) The result is amusing, if a bit tedious. By the sixth verse, it gets to feel like an endurance test, but that’s well within the spirit of the holiday for many of us. This is a selection from Stay Free‘s The Best & Worst Of Xmas 2004 compilation, which is only available as a bonus gift if you buy a subscription to the magazine during this holiday season. (Click here to order it from Stay Free.)

New Young Pony Club “Ice Cream” – If I were to describe this song, you’d probably want to skip it since it wouldn’t sound much different from every other middling post-punk/electroclash single to come along since 2002, but you’ve just got to trust me that this one is a) a cut above the rest and b) not quite so typical in spite of its style and arrangement. Too many of the post-DFA/Kitty-Yo bandwagon jumpers end up sounding too oppressive and cold for my taste, but New Young Pony Club are good enough to keep it fun and visceral while maintaining the requisite pose of aloofness.

So You Think Can Put Me On Your Bad Boy List?

Pledge Drive (with One Of Each) “Christmas Rhapsody” – This is a remarkably faithful adaptation of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” with rewritten Christmas-themed lyrics. The degree to which these people commit to the idea is astonishing – the recording and production is note-for-note perfect, and they pull off the lyrics with an appealing blend of humor and sincerity. (Click here to visit the Pledge Drive site.)

The Fiery Furnaces “Sullivan’s Social Slub” – Though the songs on the Fiery Furnaces’ forthcoming EP are collected from a variety of recording sessions and assorted single releases, the album (it’s 10 songs and 41 minutes long, so I’m calling it an album) is surprisingly cohesive. This is in part due to the mixing and sequencing of the record. “Here Comes The Summer” falls between “Single Again” and “Evergreen,” completing a continuous suite that was edited down to accomodate the Byzantine rules of the UK singles charts. The songs flow together more naturally than most deliberate collections of material. If you read through the lyrics, the connecting thread of this group of songs becomes obvious – they’ve gone completely bonkers with the alliteration, assonance, and puns. “Sullivan’s Social Slub” is just a list of silly alliterative names doing silly alliterative things at a silly alliterative place. “Crystal Clear” b-side “Cousin Chris” is one long tongue twister – “T’ord ta tippy top Tommy tongue-tied talked / tricked Trish tra trance which church chit-chat / Nana nots no know, so down the firehouse we go / Fireman Frank friendly fed fee-free.” Rough Trade really ought to start thinking of ways to market these Furnaces records to parents and children. I’m not kidding. (Click here to pre-order it from Amazon.)



(I took this song down because another mp3 blog put up two more songs from this album after I posted this song this morning. I think that it is bad ettiquette for one third of an album to be on the mp3 blog circuit in one day. I’m sorry if you missed this song. It is quite good, and well worth checking out. )

A Miracle Cure For My Sorrow



Guided By Voices @ Irving Plaza 12/4/2004

Demons Are Real / I Drove A Tank / Girls Of Wild Strawberries / My Impression Now / Bull Spears / Glow Boy Butlers / Do The Earth / Red Ink Superman / Gold Star For Robot Boy / Sleepover Jack / Lord Of Overstock / Lethargy / Pendulum / Window Of My World / Solsbury Hill / It’s Only Natural / Dayton, Ohio 19-something and 5 / Pink Gun / Sons Of Apollo / Everybody Thinks I’m A Raincloud (When I’m Not Looking) / Back To The Lake / Squirmish Frontal Room / Goldheart Mountaintop Queen Directory / Queen Of Cans And Jars / (Bob rants about how much Bright Eyes sucks) / Navigating Flood Regions / Red Men And Their Wives / Fair Touching / Beg For A Wheelbarrow / Alone, Stinking, and Unafraid / Glad Girls / Gonna Never Have To Die / Secret Star / I Am A Tree / Pimple Zoo / Watch Me Jumpstart / Game Of Pricks / He’s The Uncle / Drinker’s Peace / Chief Barrel Belly / Exit Flagger / Johnny Appleseed / Unleashed! The Large Hearted Boy / Cut-Out Witch / Buzzards And Dreadful Crows / Murder Charge // Liar’s Tale / Sad If I Lost It / Things I Will Keep / Motor Away / Tractor Rape Chain / Shocker In Gloomtown / I Am A Scientist / Smothered In Hugs

So that’s it. No more GBV shows for me.

There are a bunch of songs that I certainly would’ve liked to have seen one last time (or for the first time), but I can’t complain too much. “Squirmish Frontal Room” was a great thrill and somewhat poignant for me since it was the very first GBV song that I ever heard (via a CMJ cd, if you were wondering). I sort of knew that, “Do The Earth” and “Gold Star For Robot Boy” were in the cards since I’ve been keeping up with the recent setlists, so “Lord Of Overstock” ended up being my big “I can’t believe they’re actually playing it!” moment. Seriously, I still can’t believe they played that one.

The audience seemed to be comprised mainly of (over?)zealous Postal Blowfish-subscribing Pollard fanatics. As you can imagine, the most hardcore GBV fans are a unique combination of boozehound and OCD freak, so you get a lot of very drunk people shouting along to incredibly obscure songs like “Beg For A Wheelbarrow,” “Alone, Stinking, and Unafraid,” and “Johnny Appleseed.” It’s a lot more fun to see GBV shows when you’re surrounded by these people, though some of the more shitfaced members of the audience can be a bit of a pain.

Ultimately, GBV shows are more about the audience than the band’s performance. The band aren’t a particularly strong live act – they just pump out the songs so that the audience can respond and sing along. Every good GBV show that I ever saw was more like karaoke than a traditional rock show, regardless of Pollard’s high kicks and mic swinging. I really don’t think that it’s an accident or coincidence that Bob’s vocal levels were buried under the guitars at every single GBV show that I’ve ever seen.



Chavez @ Irving Plaza 12/4/2004

Repeat The Ending / Nailed To The Blank Spot / Break Up Your Band / Peeled Out Too Late / Laugh Track / Our Boys Will Shine Tonight / Ghost By The Sea / You Must Be Stopped / Wakeman’s Air / Unreal Is Here / Flight 96

Chavez “Break Up Your Band” – I wish that more bands played heavy rock music like Chavez. Their music was nearly devoid of macho posturing and aggression, almost as though they approached guitar rock from an entirely clinical perspective. They were all about the physical sensation of prog metal without any of the lyrical and subcultural baggage. Chavez really ought to consider getting back together full time – as evidenced by this reunion show, they are still very tight and impressive as a live band, and their music is probably a lot more sellable now in the post-emo indie marketplace than it ever was back in the age of Malkmus and Pollard. (Click here to buy it from Amazon.)

FYI: I don’t do “link exchanges.” I only link to sites that I read on a regular or semi-regular basis.