Malkmus Dis Frenzy!

There’s a very entertaining Stephen Malkmus interview in this week’s Entertainment Weekly, they seem to caught him in either a very silly or very cranky mood. Here’s the best part, cutting out the first half of the interview which isn’t nearly as interesting:

If your new album were a movie, what would it be?

Aliens. Sigourney Weaver comes back with short hair and all’s well at the box office.

You’ve cut your hair?

Yes, I have. It’s shorter than on the last album’s cover. It’s, like, parent-supported length. It’s a pretty massive move. Like if Eminem came back with dreadlocks for the next album.

If the album is Aliens, who is the alien?

Joe Piscopo. I think he represents mediocrity on Saturday Night Live, and I want to take him out. And I want to take out that Jimmy Fallon antitalent. I’m mad at Jimmy Fallon for being average and getting so much credit just because he’s cute. He better not show up backstage.

You’re starting a rap feud.

A beef! They’re called beefs!

Can you write a rap couplet about Jimmy Fallon?

I’ll only do so much to get in EW.

What’s the last terrible movie you’ve seen?

James Bond. Die Another Day. Tired premise, awful sexual-innuendo banter that’s not funny, and no sexy girls. Halle Berry is so in love with herself that you can’t even get a piece of her, you know? When you see the previews, you think “Well, this is gonna be junk entertainment, but it’s gonnna be okay. I’ll get my junk here.” But you didn’t even get that. It was just, like, so awful.

Your old band’s early records are getting deluxe reissues, and you’ve embarked on a solo career. Does that make you the indie-rock Sting?

Yeah, Sting and I are often mentioned in the same breath. (laughs) No, I’m not much like him. He’s one of my least favorite guys. He grosses me out. I hate that world music he makes. He’s just so successful. It’s like he’s got hovercraft shoes, blowing through the world without any problems. He’s Mr. Good Life. If there’s ever a movie, and he needs, like, an evil anti-Sting that he fights, I’ll be that guy. I’ll take him and Jimmy Fallon out.

Actually, you have a song on Pig Lib called “Us.” Maybe you’re the indie-rock Peter Gabriel.

I’d rather be him. He dresses up like a flower. Though he’s kinda weak too, you’ve got to admit. He also has a sort of English-rock-aristocracy attitude that has no underdog in it. I can’t really support him.