Though I have been out of school for about six months now, I formally graduated from Parsons/New School University today. The whole day was extremely dull, mostly waiting around with a lot of people with whom I am acquainted, but not enough to have any decent conversation. The ceremony was only a bit more entertaining.

New School president, former Nebraska Senator and Presidential hopeful Bob Kerrey presided and made it clear to everyone in the room why he stands no chance of actually securing a presidential nomination in 2004. This man makes Al Gore seem charming and charismatic by comparison – he was dry and bland, and reminded me a great deal of those guys who used to narrate those high school film strips in the 50s. His speech had very little to do with the commencement, it seemed more like he was addressing a board of trustees or something like that. Ugh. I can’t remember the name of the retired historian who spoke after him, but his address was equally inappropriate – rather than saying something ‘inspiring’ or whatever it is you’re supposed to say at college graduations, he gave a detailed justification for his career. That’s it. He explained why being a historian is a good thing. Thanks, professor. I hope that made you feel better.

The ceremony ended with a brief speech by James Lipton which made Will Ferrell’s impression of him on SNL seem a lot less pompous, verbose, and pretentious by contrast. What made Lipton’s speech even more unintentionally funny to me was that he was dressed up in this ornate green, black, and yellow ceremonial gown that he was obliged to wear due to some honor from a French academy. He looked like some kind of pimped-out Pope, I tell ya. I really do wish he had used one of his catchphrases at the end of his speech, but I was let down – I was hoping for a “You are a DELIGHT“. Oh well.