It’s been a while since something from the Modern Humorist made me laugh, but this piece works really well…David Hockney reveals the tricks of Modern Art:

Salvador Dali

With the image of a drooping, melted pocket watch, the Surrealist movement was born. But perhaps Dali was simply painting what he saw. If you’ve ever been to Spain in the summertime, you know it’s bloody hot. Hot enough to melt a pocket watch? Sure, I guess so, why not?

Jackson Pollock

You can’t look at the throbbing, vibrant abstracts of this troubled artist and not think, “My kid brother could do that.” Well, he did have a kid brother, Benjy Pollock. Is this proof he painted most of Jackson’s works? To my mind, yes. I am also investigating other artists’ kid brothers, including Skippy Kandinsky and Chu Chu Picasso.

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David Hockney

I employ no tricks whatsoever. I merely paint pictures of swimming pools. And sell them to millionaires. Who own swimming pools.