Take Control Of The Chemistry

Sonic Youth “Kotton Krown” (Live in Brooklyn, August 12 2011)

Sonic Youth recently released a handful of live recordings on the site Nugs, including the band’s final concert in New York City in 2011. This show, which was performed at the Williamsburg Waterfront, was the last time I would ever see them live, after seeing them perform almost every year between 1995 and then. Going to Sonic Youth shows was a big part of my life in my teens and 20s. The first two shows I ever went to were both Sonic Youth gigs.

No one at the time of this Williamsburg Waterfront show had any idea what was going on within the band, or that there was any chance this gig would be our last opportunity to see them. It was just another outdoor summer Sonic Youth show, and they had no new album to promote. I wrote about this show at the time, and the big deal of it for me was that the setlist was mainly comprised of the few classic live songs I had never seen them perform over the years – “Flower,” “I Love Her All the Time,” “Kill Yr Idols,” “Inhuman,” “Psychic Hearts” – and a few major favorites I was hoping to see again, like “Starfield Road” and “Kotton Krown.” It retrospect the setlist feels like a parting gift to fans like me.

I noticed at the time that the show was heavy on love songs sung by Thurston Moore, and knowing now that he was involved with another woman and his marriage with Kim Gordon was dissolving makes that an uncomfortable thing to think about. Having Kim sing “Kotton Krown,” a duet about the early days of their romance, with him not long after she discovered his betrayal is some serious Fleetwood Mac level mindfuckery. What must this have been like for Kim, hearing Thurston turn a song about her into a song about someone else as she sang along?

The end of Kim and Thurston’s marriage stings for two main reasons: It forced the end of the band, and it spoiled what was for many people including myself an aspirational model for a longterm heterosexual relationship. It’s hard to accept that as cool and feminist as Thurston is, he still fell in love with another woman and cheated on Kim. I’ve had a lot of time to adjust to this, and have come around to a more optimistic view of the situation: Any relationship that lasts for multiple decades should be considered a success, even if it ends with the two people drifting apart. The best elements of their marriage and creative partnership remain inspiring. I still want to be the Thurston Moore to someone’s Kim Gordon, but I’d hope I wouldn’t do what Thurston did towards the end of the marriage.

“Kotton Krown” is one of my favorite love songs. It’s a weird one, for sure, but it’s also mostly very direct and earnest in its language: “Love has come to stay,” “It feels like a wish coming true, it feels like an angel dreaming of you.” Thurston and Kim sing it in unison, like they’re reciting an oath to each other. The music is all about contrasts – the melody is sweet but the tones are harsh and bleak, and the blissful serenity of the verses surround an instrumental section that’s stormy and turbulent. My favorite part of the song is when that instrumental part ends and it snaps back into the verse. There’s a sense of clarity in this moment, and then they sing a line that is inexplicably extremely romantic to me: “New York City is forever kitty / I’m wasted in time and you’re never ready.” I can’t hear this part without feeling a bit of envy. I want to feel like this, and for real. I want to take control of the chemistry and manifest the mystery, and I want to be fading, fading, and celebrating. Whatever this is, whatever feeling they were trying to convey in this song – I want it too.

Buy the full show from Nugs.