An Apparition Is A Cheap Date

Arctic Monkeys “Star Treatment”

I have never been particularly interested in The Arctic Monkeys, so it was a genuine surprise to hear their new record Tranquility Base Hotel + Casino and find that they had stripped away everything that bored me about their music – i.e., probably everything about them that endeared them to a mainstream rock crowd – and foregrounded the thing I did like about them, which is Alex Turner’s dry wit and lyrical detail. The band’s new music is like a nephew to Pulp’s louche This Is Hardcore, but with a self-loathing kitschiness in place of that record’s depressive porno anti-glamour. “Star Treatment” has a glitzy sparkle to it, but that’s really just an ironic counterpoint to Turner’s lyrics, which sketch out the mindset of a fading star who seems to be on a weirdly half-hearted self-destructive bender. It’s played as dark comedy, and the punchline is the catchiest bit of the chorus: “So who you gonna call, the martini police?”

I’m sure a lot of people will compare Turner’s vocals on this song to David Bowie, but he actually sounds much more like Royston Langdon from Spacehog, who actually went for a similar sort of glam-lounge hybrid in some parts of their rather underrated 1998 record The Chinese Album. I don’t mean this as any sort of diss, by the way – the tonal similarity is striking, and there’s a warm self-deprecation in both Langdon and Turner’s phrasing you just wouldn’t get from the more icy and aloof Bowie. (It’s also not far off from Scott Weiland in his more cheeky moments.)

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